The ElfieBoys and Their BIG Egos
by Newmoon
Summary: *COMPLETE!!* Y'know what? The only thing I don't like about writing fics is that they always have to come to an end at some point. Like this one. I can't believe it's over!! (sobs) R+R!!
1. In which three certain fangirls are terr...

A/N Here it is!! The sequel to 'Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle!!' If you have not read that, you may want to, but you don't really have to, as the first chapter will basically just be   
recapping. By the way, this one will NOT be a reader participation fic.  
  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Legolas and Figwit, but, alas, I don't. Sprite, Aldawen, and Sake own themselves.  
Oh, if you haven't read the first one, Sprite, Aldawen, and Sake are Kindly Readers. They are actual people who reviewed so much and so enthusiastically that I added them as characters to the story.  
  
And I also must thank Sprite for being my beta for this fic.  
  
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Chapter One  
  
  
Sprite opened her eyes and moaned. "Oh, my poor head..." she muttered. "I will never get drunk again..." Yeah right.  
  
So much had happened in the past few days, it had just recently been sorted out. Just yesterday in fact. It all started at the Council, when Figwit had stuck his tongue out at Legolas. The latter Elf had gotten ticked off, and the two Elfie-boys had engaged in a battle to decide once and for all, who was the better Elf.  
  
Sprite managed a smile through her pounding headache. Figwit had *really* won, even if Elrond had sent the Elfie-boys to their rooms for being naughty. Figgy had gotten the last laugh. No one could deny it.  
  
Anyway, the battle had involved a lot of cat-fighting, split ends, broken nails, kidnapping, and Disney cartoons. But that was just the bad side.  
  
Last night, the three fangirls (one for Figwit, two for Legolas... Ha ha, the others had to share!) had decided to bury the hatchet and be friends. They had decided to celebrate their new found friendship by plundering the Rivendell wine cellars. The hard part, of course, had been bribing the key off Arwen.  
  
"As long as my father doesn't get it," she had told them. "And remember to lock the door when you are done. I don't want a repetition of..." She had shuddered, and refused to say any more.  
  
The girls had indulged in many bottles of fine Elvish wine, and gotten themselves extremely drunk. Sprite recalled one point when Elrond had seen them dancing in the moonlight. Sake had bumped into Sprite, who bumped into Aldawen, and they all fell in a heap on the ground.  
  
"Arwen gave you the key to the wine cellars, didn't she?" asked Elrond, sighing.  
  
"Yesh, m'lord!" said Sake, and the three fangirls giggled.  
  
"That is like, so unfair!" Elrond said, and stomped back towards the house.  
  
"Hey!" Sprite had suddenly said, her eyes widening as she looked at Sake. "Do you know that we're both named after drinks?"  
  
"Oh my god, you're right!" Sake said, and they burst into giggles once again.  
  
"Hey, I wanna be named after a drink too!" Aldawen said, pouting.  
  
"You can be called Grapefruit Juice!" Sake said, and they all laughed.  
  
"Never get drunk again!" Sprite repeated. She rolled out of bed and decided to go find Elrond. If anyone, *he* would have a cure for hangovers. In the hallway, she met up with Aldawen and Sake, both of whom were clutching their heads in pain.  
  
"Mornin', girls!" Pippin called cheerfully as he strode past. The three fangirls screamed in agony, clutching their heads even tighter. A moment passed.  
  
"I assume that we're all going to Lord Elrond for a cure for our hang overs?" Sprite whispered quietly.  
  
"Sprite," groaned Aldawen, "not so loud!"  
  
They found Elrond in his study, explaining Elvish politics to his magic carpet, Leroy. 'Ah,' thought Sprite, 'Wonderful Leroy...' Leroy was really the one who had brought her and Figwit together. Sprite had him to thank for everything. Well... Maybe not   
*everything*... ;-)  
  
"Elrond..." Aldawen had started quietly. Elrond sighed, and rose.  
  
"I have already prepared it." he said, and gave each of them a goblet filled with a turquoise-coloured drink. When they drank it, it cleared their heads almost immediately. They thanked Elrond, and then left the study.  
  
Elrond watched them go. He had noticed how easily they had become drunk; seen how much they loved the wine...  
  
For Elrond was forming a plan. He was just so tired of the Elfie-boys prancing around with their huge egos; he had to make them see that they weren't that great. Of course, millions of fans would say otherwise, but Elrond had even less fans than Legolas and Figwit, so he was also just jealous.  
  
Anyway, Elrond was devising a plan to crush the Elfie-boys' egos. And the first step, of course, was making their favourite fangirls turn against them...  
  
Elrond turned to his medicine cabinet, and took out several unusual ingredients. Leroy scuttled over to him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Leroy," Elrond said. "Elvish politics will just have to wait." Leroy's tassels drooped, and he flew mournfully away.  
  
Meanwhile, Sprite, Aldawen, and Sake walked down the hallway, feeling much more cheerful now that their headaches were gone.  
  
"So, Figwit *really* won," Sprite was saying. "'Cause he got the last laugh. With his hand-buzzer thingamy."  
  
"You know, I have to agree," Aldawen said. "I mean, I still love Leggikins, but Figwit did win. Besides, he deserved to win, being the underdog and all."  
  
"It's not just that he was an underdog," Sprite replied, "although he hates to be called that. It's just that I think he deserves more attention than he has got in the past."  
  
"Exactly." agreed Aldawen.  
  
Sake meanwhile, said nothing. She was just happy to be normal again. For most of the past few days, she had been rabid, green, and most recently bald. Luckily, Elrond had made a potion thingamy to fix that.  
  
"Where *are* the Elfie-boys, anyway?" wondered Sprite.  
  
"Oh, I think they went hunting together," Aldawen said. "They want to try to get along from now on. They should be back in a couple of days." Sprite felt slightly hurt that Figwit had not taken the time to say good-bye to her, but she shrugged it off, assuming that he had not wanted to disturb her alcohol-induced sleep.  
  
Later, after lunch, Elrond called the girls. "Would the three of you care to join me for some wine on the veranda?" he asked, smiling serenely. "I have arranged for my sons and Glorfindel to give a little demonstration of Elvish fighting to entertain you while your Elfies...ahm, Elves are away."  
  
"Sure!" said Sake immediately.  
  
"Ok, but not too much wine," Aldawen said. "I don't think I ever want to get drunk again."  
  
"Same here," Sake said.  
  
"Whatever," Sprite said, already downing her third glass.  
  
Elrond led them onto the veranda and watched them drink. Sake and Aldawen were just sipping, and Sprite was going through glass after glass. A triumphant light blazed in his eyes. His plan was working....  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N So whaddaya think? Remember to review and tell me all! 


	2. In which Arwen gets ticked off and Legol...

A/N Here's the next chapter... Nuttin' much else to say...  
  
Disclaimer: I no own LOTR, so you no sue.  
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Chapter Two  
  
  
Elrond watched in delight as the fangirls drank the potion he had prepared for them. He had made it to look and taste like wine, but its real purpose was much different... Of course, Elrond was enjoying the opportunity of drinking real wine. He had stolen the key to the wine cellars from Sprite while she was in a drunken stupor, and he was *very* pleased with himself.  
  
Sprite was drinking so much of the potion that Elrond was afraid there would be none left for the other girls.  
  
"Sprite, slow down," he said to her. "I'm low on my anti-hang over ingredients."  
  
"That's the funny thing, though," Sprite remarked, eyes perfectly focused. "I'm on my 23rd glass, and I'm not drunk yet. Very unusual." And she downed the 23rd glass with practiced ease.  
  
Down in the courtyard below them, Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel were doing some practice sparring. Glorfindel was taking on both Twins at once.  
  
"Hey, Glorfindel, do that again!" Sprite called, referring to a move he had just done. "It was cool!"  
  
"Yes, m'lady!" Glorfindel called.  
  
"Hey, Sake..." Aldawen said. "Have you ever noticed how incredibly hott the twins are?"  
  
"You're right..." Sake replied, staring down with a sudden lust in her eyes.  
  
"Are you guys alright?" Sprite said. "I thought you two liked Legolas..." Sprite looked vaguely insulted when she said this. "But anyway, Glorfindel is a *way* better fighter than the twins." She turnedback and continued to watch him.  
  
Elrond cheered inwardly. His plan was working!!!  
  
"You know, I don't think I want anymore of this," Aldawen said, putting down her third glass,   
which was half-empty. "I don't care if Sprite isn't drunk yet, maybe she gets drunk so much that she's immune to it now."  
  
"I agree," said Sake, setting down her second glass. "Let's go down and talk to the twins."  
  
"Yeah!" Aldawen said with sudden enthusiasm. The two of them hurried down into the courtyard below.  
  
"I'd better go after them," Sprite said to Elrond. "To make sure they don't do anything rash..." Her voice trailed off as she glanced at the figures down below.  
  
'Oh, yes,' Elrond thought. 'I'm sure you *really* just want to be with Glorfindel.' He walked away, whistling, the key to the wine cellars conveniently in his pocket.  
  
Meanwhile, Legolas and Figwit were riding through a sun-lit wood atop their horses. "Legolas, how are you doing?" Figwit asked in a concerned voice.  
  
"I'm...getting over it..." Legolas said, his face paleer than normal. Suddenly he broke down. "Oh, Figwit, it was horrible! She called me her teddy bear, and her fuzzy wuzzy! The cuteness of it all... I thought I was gonna burst!"  
  
He was referring, of course, to an incident that had happened soon after they had left Rivendell. A rabid fangirl by the name of Niko had jumped out of the bushes screaming something about 'authors', and 'promises', and 'presents'. She had tackled Legolas and dragged him away before Figwit could do anything to help him.  
  
"Apparently she had mistaken me for some character in a fan fic," Legolas told Figwit. "The author had promised Niko the character at the end of the fic." He shuddered again.  
  
"You're lucky you got away," Figwit said solemnly.  
  
"Got away? Lucky?" Legolas cried. "I barely escaped with my life! I was only able to slip away because she had fainted and appeared tbe drowning in a puddle of her own drool!" Figwit nodded sympathetically.  
  
"Let's go back to Rivendell," Legolas said. "I need to see Aldawen again." He sighed wistfully, and Figwit understood. As for himself, he missed Sprite, and was glad to be heading back.  
  
Unluckily for the Elfie-boys, though, their fangirls (at least Legolas's) were behaving very strangely...  
  
"Hi, E-dan!" Sake said sweetly, giving a little wave and batting her eyelashes. Elladan blinked. Elrond, of course, had not let any of them in on his little plan, because Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel never would have stood for it.  
  
"Um, hi..." Elladan said, and Sake giggled.  
  
"Elrohir, you're hott." Aldawen said. "Very, very hott."  
  
"Well, yeah, sparring is really a physical workout..." Elrohir caught sight of the look on Aldawen's face. "...Oh. That kind of hott," he said, and gulped.  
  
Sprite, meanwhile, and Glorfindel, were having a rather different conversation.  
  
"So, you hold the sword like this..." Sprite said, "and swing like this?"  
  
"No, no," Glorfindel told her, correcting her grip. "You need to hold it like *this*," he said, demonstrating with his own sword. "and remember to plant you feet in the position I showed you."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Sprite said, grinning, and shuffled her feet into the correct position. With Figwit being a bit of a priss, Sprite had not had a chance to learn any Elvish fighting techniques, but now she had a chance for Glorfindel to show her the basics.  
  
"Say, what's up with Aldawen and Sake?" asked Glorfindel, staring at the two fangirls on the other side of the courtyard.  
  
"No idea," Sprite said, concentrating on her and invisible opponent and swinging her sword. "What're they doing?"  
  
"They appear to be flirting will Elladan and Elrohir," Glorfindel replied. Sprite glanced over at the twins and dropped her sword.  
  
"Be careful with that!" cried Glorfindel as the sword hit the ground, dangerously near Sprite's feet, but Sprite was paying no   
attention. She was busy staring at Aldawen and Sake who had backed the Twins into a corner.  
  
"By the Valar, they *are* flirting!" she finally said. "I wonder what brought that on?"  
  
"SPRITE!" shouted Arwen appearing on the terrace above them.  
  
"Uh-oh, Arwen's pissed," Glorfindel said.  
  
"Yeah?" asked Sprite, looking up at the enraged Elven princess.  
  
"DID YOU GIVE MY FATHER THE KEY TO THE WINE CELLARS???" Arwen shouted, her eyes blazing with anger.  
  
"Uh, no, it's right..." Sprite reached into the pocket where she had put the key the night before. "Hey, where'd it go?"  
  
"Somehow my father got a hold of it," Arwen said icily. "And now he's extremely drunk and babbling some nonsense about a love potion and how wonderfully it worked."  
  
"Oh..." Sprite said. "I'm so sorry, Arwen. He must have taken it last night when I passed out."  
  
"Hope with all you heart that you're telling the truth, fangirl." Arwen said in a dark tone. "Because if you're lying..." She trailed off menacingly, and stomped away. Sprite sighed, and turned toward Glorfindel.  
  
"I swear, I didn't give it to him," she said.  
  
"Oh, I believe you," Glorfindel said. "No one in their right mind would give Elrond the key to the wine cellars."  
  
"I wish someone would explain that..." Sprite muttered. "And I *was* drunk at the time... Oh, never mind!" She turned her attention to Aldawen and Sake.  
  
The two fangirls were flirting shamelessly with two very frightened Elf princes. Aldawen and Sake hadn't noticed Arwen at all! Sprite sighed, knowing that nothing could get fangirls off of the scent of an Elfie-boy and turned back to Glorfindel.  
  
"Will you show me that move again?" she asked. "I'm not sure I'm doing it right."  
  
"Sure," said Glorfindel. "And with Arwen ticked off, you'll need some sparring skills!" They laughed, and went back to practicing.  
  
At about this moment, Legolas and Figwit were putting their horses in the stables of Rivendell.  
  
"Let's go find our girlies." Figwit said, and Legolas nodded. They walked down the hall, and came across Elrond, lying sprawled on a veranda.  
  
"Um, m'lord, are you ok?" Asked Legolas, kneeling down beside Elrond.  
  
"You 'ave purty hair," Elrond said, smiling foolishly, and hiccupped.  
  
"He's drunk." Legolas said to Figwit, getting back up.  
  
"Let's get out of here..." Figwit said, looking rather scared.  
  
"Agreed!" Legolas said, and they sped off down the hall.  
  
"Byedie bye!" called Elrond after them.  
  
Soon, the Elfie boys came out to the courtyard where the action was happening. "Hey, girls!" said Legolas to Aldawen and Sake, who were talking to Elladan and Elrohir, both of whom looked quite frightened.  
  
"Girls?" repeated Legolas when they didn't answer him.  
  
"What?" said Sake, looking over at Legolas, "Oh, God, it's you!"  
  
"Geez, go away, you weirdo!" Aldawen chimed in. "You're so ugly, you're scaring me." Legolas's jaw dropped, his eyes widening in shock and hurt, and he turned to look at the twins.  
  
"You... Them..." he stammered.  
  
"Legolas, I'm sorry!" Elladan pleaded. "I don't know what happened; it wasn't me!"  
  
"I want my mommy..." Elrohir whimpered as Aldawen began to salivate at him.  
  
Legolas stared at them for a moment and then turned and quickly left the courtyard. Figwit considered going after him, but then he noticed Sprite and Glorfindel sparring on the other side of the courtyard. With a sinking feeling, he walked over to them.  
  
"Um... Sprite...?" he said tentatively.  
  
"Figwit!!" Sprite squealed, dropping her sword and flinging her arms around Figwit's neck.  
  
"Careful with that!" shouted Glorfindel, grabbing her sword before it could hit the ground.  
  
Figwit breathed a sigh of relief and hugged Sprite. "Any idea what Sake and Aldawen are up to?" he asked her. "I think they really hurt Legolas' feelings with what they said. They acted like they hate him now, not to mention the fact they they're noe drooling over the twins.." He looked over at the fangirls.  
  
"I don't know," Sprite said, pulling away from Figwit's warm embrace. "Hey, Glorfie's been teaching me some moves, wanna see?"  
  
"Glorfie??" Figwit asked. Glorfindel shrugged. "Uh, sure Sprite,"   
Figwit added. Sprite began fighting with her invisible opponent again.  
  
"Pretty good," Figwit said after studying her for a few moments. "Hey, y'know, I wanna go find Legolas; he seemed pretty upset."  
  
"Oh, sure!" Sprite said, and handed her sword back to Glorfindel. "I think I'll go with you. Bye Glorfie!"  
  
And they left the field, leaving Glorfindel to rescue the Elf princes from where they'd been backed up.  
  
"Ok, why are you calling him 'Glorfie'?" Figwit asked as they walked off.  
  
"I dunno," Sprite said. "It's weird. Instead of getting drunk from all that wine, my head's been feeling a little stuffy. Whatever's gotten to Aldawen and Sake must've rubbed off a bit on me."  
  
"Well, I hope it doesn't rub off on you any more!," Figwit said, glancing down at the brown-haired fangirl.  
  
"Ditto," Sprite replied, frowning. She did *not* want to abandon her Figgy, not for all the Elvish wine in the world!  
  
  
  
A/N Please Review!!!!!! 


	3. In which Elrond is hung over and Legolas...

A/N: Uh... This is a new chapter... and, uh... That's all I have to say!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. Sprite, Aldawen, and Sake own themselves.  
  
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Chapter Three  
  
  
Sprite and Figwit searched Rivendell high and low for Legolas, but, alas, their search turned up nothing.  
  
"Figgy, come *on*!" Sprite said. "Let's go look in his bedroom, I'm *sure* that's where he'll be!"  
  
"But why would he be there?" Figwit asked, following his fangirl down the hall. Sprite ignored him.  
  
They arrived at Legolas' room, and Figwit knocked on the door. "Hellooooo?" he called. "Anyone in there?"  
  
"What?" Legolas' voice came from within. But it was different; flat and toneless.  
  
"Ha ha, I was right!" Sprite cried triumphantly. Figwit said nothing, as he was feeling very foolish.  
  
"What do you want?" Legolas repeated, in the same tone of voice.  
  
"Legolas, can we come in?" Figwit asked.  
  
"If your names are Aldawen and Sake, the answer is no," Legolas said. "Same goes if your names happen to be Elladan and Elrohir."  
  
"Well, our names are Sprite and Figwit." Sprite told him. "Can we come in?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess so." Legolas said, and Sprite pushed open the door.  
  
Legolas was sitting on his bed, staring at the rug. The floor around him was littered with Fine Elvish Wine bottles, and Legolas' face was rather flushed. He looked up at them as they came in.  
  
"Legolas," Sprite said sternly, "have you been drinking?"  
  
"Only a little..." Legolas said, looking at the wine bottles on the floor, and then at the one in his hand. "Anyways, it doesn't have the same effect on Elves as it does on mortals. Doesn't make us as drunk..."  
  
"What about Lord Elrond?" Sprite asked, having seen the drunken Elf Lord when she and Figwit had been searching Rivendell.  
  
"He's half human," Legolas said. "Duh."  
  
"We [just ]came to see if you were ok." Figwit said awkwardly.  
  
"Ok?" Legolas said. "Ok? How can I be ok? I'm ugly, didn't you hear her? How can I be ok if I'm ugly??"  
  
"Oh Legolas, you're not ugly!" Sprite said, sitting down on the bed beside him. "Aldawen and Sake just... aren't themselves."  
  
"The understatement of this Age," said Legolas. "I can't believe the Twins would do that to me. I thought they were my pals."  
  
"Didn't you see their faces?" Figwit asked. "They totally did not want to be in that situation. I don't think the Twins had anything to do with it."  
  
"Whatever." Legolas said dejectedly.  
  
"Look, I'll go get them so that they can tell you themselves!" Figwit said. "Be back in a few." He left the room.  
  
"I'm sorry this happened, Legolas," Sprite said, putting her hand on his arm. "I can't help but feel a little guilty since nothing happened to me."  
  
"It's ok," Legolas said. "Don't feel bad. It wasn't your fault..."  
  
"Legolas... if it makes you feel any better..." Sprite leaned over and whispered something into Legolas' ear. As she spoke, Legolas's face brightened, and a small smile appeared on his lips.  
  
"But don't tell anyone!" Sprite said when she had finished. "Promise!"  
  
"Oh, I won't, I swear!" Legolas said, looking much more cheerful.  
  
Figwit came back then. "The Twins are still cornered in the courtyard." he reported. "Glorfindel's trying to help them, but he's laughing so hard that he really isn't getting anywhere... What are you smiling about?" he added, seeing Legolas' cheerful face. Sprite got up and left, muttering some indistinct excuse.  
  
"Oh, Sprite and I were talking..." Legolas said.  
  
"About what?" Figwit asked warily.  
  
"Oh, just... Nah, I promised I wouldn't tell."  
  
"What?" Figwit pressed. "What did she tell you???" Legolas just shook his head. Frustrated, Figwit went to look for Sprite.  
  
He found her sitting on a veranda near Legolas' room, looking a bit sheepish.  
  
"What did you tell Legolas?" Figwit demanded.  
  
"Oh, it was nothing..." Sprite said, avoiding his gaze.  
  
"Sprite, are you hiding something?" asked Figwit, gently raising her head to meet his eyes.  
  
"Of course I am!" Sprite said, reddening. "Now, just drop it, ok?"  
  
Not wanting to lose his favourite fangirl, Figwit wisely shut up and wandered off somewhere.  
  
Meanwhile, in another part of Rivendell, Elrond had a splitting headache. Being half human, he did get drunk, but being half Elf, he recovered quickly. The hangovers were exactly the same, though.  
  
"Oh, my poor 'ittle head!" he moaned, lying with and icepack on the couch in his study. "Why did I do that?"  
  
"Because you're stupid," Arwen said, rummaging through her father's cupboards. "How do you make that anti-hang over stuff that you made for the girls this morning?"  
  
Elrond got up and looked in the cupboards. After a moment, he pushed some jars aside, took a few out, peered into the cupboard, and put the jars back. As he did this, Arwen heard him utter a very colorful string of Elvish curses.  
  
"Father!" Arwen said, shocked. "What is it??"  
  
"It's not there!" Elrond snapped and flopped back down on the couch with his icepack.  
  
"What's not there?" asked Arwen.  
  
"The ingredients for the anti-hang over potion," Elrond said. "I must have used it up this morning. That makes me very irritable. Go away."  
  
"Father..." Arwen said, shaking her head. She sighed and left. As she closed the door to her father's study, she thought she heard him moan.  
  
A few minutes later, Elladan and Elrohir came racing down the hall. They burst into Elrond's study and slammed the door shut, panting.  
  
"What the-?" Elrond said, looking up. "Boys-"  
  
"Father, you have to help us!" Elrohir cried frantically.  
  
"Aldawen and Sake, they're..." Elladan said. "Ai, Eru, it's terrible!!!"  
  
"BOYS!" Elrond shouted, standing up. The twins jumped. "THIS IS MY PRIVATE STUDY AND YOU WILL *KNOCK* BEFORE ENTERING NEXT TIME! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD??"  
  
"Yes, sir." Elladan muttered.  
  
"But, Father, you have to-" Elrohir said.  
  
"Not now, Elrohir, Daddy has a hang over." Elrond interrupted, settling back down on the couch.  
  
"But Father!" Elrohir said. "You need to make a potion to make Aldawen and Sake stop chasing us!"  
  
"I'm not doing anything that will counter-act something I've already started." Elrond snapped. "Now OUT!" The Twins raced out the door.  
  
"What did he mean by that, I wonder?" Elladan said to his brother.  
  
Before Elrohir could answer, the two of them had to run from Aldawen and Sake, who had snuck up behind them.  
  
In his study, Elrond lay moaning softly on his couch. It was time to put the second part of his plan into action...  
  
After his headache went away, of course.  
  
  
  
  
A/N Okies, people, you know the drill! Click the button and review! Reviews make the world go 'round!! 


	4. A Conspriacy Unmasked tm

A/N Here's chapter four!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I no own, so you no sue.  
  
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Chapter FOUR!!!  
  
  
  
Aldawen and Sake stealthily crept down the hallway, looks of complete concentration upon their faces. They were two predators, stalking their prey. Aldawen turned to look at Sake, and put her finger to her lips. Sake nodded in understanding.  
  
In the distance they saw their prey. The two fangirls could not help the small smiles that appeared on their faces as they gazed upon their lust objects. "He's so hott..." murmured Sake. Aldawen nodded.  
  
"Mine's hotter," she said. Sake rolled her eyes.  
  
They continued to creep down the hallway, watching as the Twins were kicked out of Elrond's study. And then the fangirls   
attacked.  
  
Aldawen pounced on Elrohir, Sake on Elladan. A vicious battle ensued, involving hair-pulling, scratching, and-  
  
"Ouch! No biting!" Elladan cried.  
  
Finally, the Twins fought free, and raced down the hall screaming hysterically. Elrond emerged from his study and looked down at the two fangirls who were sitting cross-legged on the floor grinning foolishly.  
  
"Ai, Eru, what have I *done*?" muttered Elrond. "I've created monsters!"  
  
"Who are you talking to?" asked Sake curiously, looking up at the Elf-Lord.  
  
"Oh... No one," Elrond said, shaking his head. "You two run along now and try not to get into trouble."  
  
"Yesh m'lord!" Sake said, and she and Aldawen scampered off down the hall in search of the Twins.  
  
Elrond sighed. He now knew how Aldawen and Sake were affected, and he decided to go find Sprite and see how she was doing.  
  
At that moment, Sprite was standing on a veranda near Figwit's room, her head nestled against her Figgy's shoulder.  
  
"I care about you so much." Figwit murmured in her ear, putting his arms around her. "It's not that I don't want you to talk to Legolas, but I just don't want to lose you."  
  
"I understand," Sprite murmured. "And with Aldawen and Sake this way, it's understandable that you'd be nervous."  
  
"IN THE NAME OF ERU, MAY I ASK *WHAT* IS GOING ON???" shouted Elrond, striding down the hall towards them. Sprite and Figwit jumped away from each other, the froze, like deer caught in the headlights.  
  
"Well, my lord..." stammered Figwit, his head slightly bowed as etiquette demanded. "I... I thought you knew that Sprite and I were an object..."  
  
"But... but," Elrond said, stammering as well. "That potion I made... It worked for Aldawen and Sake... But Sprite... You and Sprite..." He paused, taking in the sight of Sprite and Figwit staring at him open-mouthed. The effect of what he had just said sunk in. He took a deep breath. "I'm screwed, aren't I?" he said.  
  
"I'd say..." Figwit replied, nodding. But Sprite showed far less restraint.  
  
"YOU!!!" she exploded. "*YOU* DID THAT TO THE GIRLS??? I WAS WONDERING WHY I WASN'T GETTING DRUNK OFF THAT 'WINE' BUT ALL ALONG IT WAS REALLY JUST A POTION TO MAKE ME TURN AGAINT MY FIGGY!!! YOU... YOU ORGANISM!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT??? HAVE YOU SEEN LEOGLAS??? HIS HEART IS BROKEN!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?? YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT LORD THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE IN CHARGE OF WHO WE FALL IN LOVE WITH AS WELL?? I'M NOT HALF AS ANNOYING AS ALDAWEN AND SAKE; WHY SHOULDN'T I BE IN LOVE WITH FIGWIT?? IF I COULD ONLY-"  
  
"Sprite, calm down," Figwit said soothingly, laying his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"CALM DOWN?? WHY SHOULD I-" She stopped and took a deep breath. Turning to Elrond, she said very sweetly, "My Lord. Would you mind telling us *why* you did this?"  
  
"I... I dunno," Elrond said, looking at the floor. There was a malice in Sprite's voice that he did not like at all.  
  
"C'mon Figgy." Sprite said disdainfully, and she led her Elfie-boy down the hall. They went into Figwit's room, closed the door, and then Sprite burst into tears.  
  
"Sprite!" cried Figwit, surprised. "Whatever is the matter?"  
  
"That idiot!" sobbed Sprite. "He just makes me so mad! It's his fault! All of it!" Then she entirely broke down, and Figwit drew her into his embrace.  
  
"Shh... shh," he murmured, rocking her back and forth. "It's alright..."  
  
After a while Sprite calmed down. "We need to go tell Legolas," she said, sniffling a little. Figwit agreed.  
  
So they set out once more in the direction of Legolas' room. Figwit knocked on the door. Legolas opened the door and greeted them jovially.  
  
"Come in, come in!" he said merrily. "What is it?"  
  
"Legolas, we need to tell you something." Sprite said.  
  
Legolas took in Sprite's tear-streaked face and the solemn look in Figwit's eyes and grimaced. He was not in any mood for bad news at the moment.  
  
"Could it wait?" he asked, tentatively. "I'm not in any mood for bad news at the moment." Sprite rolled her eyes.  
  
"Too bad," she snapped. "Now, here's the truth: Elrond-"  
  
"Wait a moment Sprite." Figwit said. Then to Legolas, "You may want to sit down." Staring at him, Legolas sat down on his bed.  
  
"Ok," said Sprite. "Starting over... Elrond made a potion and he gave it to me, Aldawen and Sake, and that's why they fell for the Twins."  
  
"So why didn't it work on you?" asked Legolas.  
  
"Because-" Sprite stopped. Why *hadn't* it worked on her? "I have no idea," she finally said.  
  
"What we do know is that Elrond is up to something," Figwit said. Legolas nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"But what?"  
  
Elrond, meanwhile, was in his study banging his head against the wall. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow," he said, every time his forehead came in contact with the wall. "I. Am. An. I. Di. Ot. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow..."  
  
"Father, what in Middle-earth *are* you doing?" asked Arwen, entering the study.  
  
"Banging my head against the wall," Elrond stated matter-of-factly. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow-"  
  
"Why?" asked Arwen, witheringly.  
  
"Because I'm an idiot," Elrond explained wisely, still banging his head.  
  
"Father, CUT IT OUT!!!" shouted Arwen yanking Elrond away from the wall. "What did you do this time?"  
  
"I divulged the secrets of my evil plot to the victims of my evil plot," said Elrond. "Now go away."  
  
Arwen groaned with exasperation and left the study with a huff. Elrond took a deep breath. It was time to put his plan into action.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N That's it for that chapter. Chapter five will be out in the next couple of days, I promise. I'm already almost done with it!!! 


	5. In which Sprite makes a decision and Bob...

A/N And here is the promised chapter five!! I have a long weekend, you see, so I have lots of time to write.  
  
Disclaimer: I no own, so you no sue.  
  
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Chapter FIVE!!!  
  
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Legolas, Figwit and Sprite were deep in conversation when a knock came at their door. "Come in!" Legolas called. Generic Elf #1 entered.  
  
"Lord Elrond requests your presence in his study, Figwit," Generic Elf #1 said. "You too Legolas." He turned and left quickly, as if he had just done something that he would rather have not.  
  
As soon as he left, Sprite cried, "Don't go, Figgy! Elrond is up to something, I know it!"  
  
"So do I," Figwit said. "And I mean to find out what it is." Legolas and Figwit rose from where they had been sitting and left the room.  
  
"Men," Sprite muttered, and went back to Figwit's room.  
  
Figwit and Legolas went to Elrond's study and entered without knocking. Elrond was annoyed by this, but decided against mentioning it.  
  
"Whattaya want?" Figwit asked Elrond unceremoniously.  
  
"I have a favor to ask of both of you," Elrond said. "Figwit, you must got to Mirkwood to meet with Thranduil for me. Being the important Lord I am, I cannot always attend these important functions, so I am sending you to be my ambassador. I wish Legolas to go to Lothlorien bearing this message for the Lady Galadriel." He held up an envelope.  
  
"Why should we do anything for you?" Legolas asked. "You jinxed my fangirls!"  
  
"Uh, yeah, I know..." Elrond said. "But... If you go... I'll try to fix them for you!"  
  
"YAY!!!" cried Legolas. "Well, I for one shall agree on going. But why can't I go to Mirkwood?"  
  
"Because I said so.," Elrond replied. He could tell that Figwit was still unconvinced. "Figwit, when you go to Mirkwood, you must speak with Thranduil about..." Elrond's voice trailed off as he saw the suspicious look on Figwit's face. "What is it?"  
  
"I'll go as long as I can take Sprite with me," Figwit said. "I don't want you to do anything to her."  
  
"You can't take her with you, and no, I won't do anything to her while you're gone," Elrond said. "Anyway, you have to go, 'cause I'm your Lord and I said so."  
  
Figwit realized that this was true. "Phooey," he said. "Fine, I'll go!"  
  
"Good," Elrond said. "You will both leave in the morning."  
  
Figwit and Legolas left the study. Figwit went straight to his room and told Sprite what had happened.  
  
"You shouldn't go," Sprite told him. "Elrond is definitely planning something."  
  
"I know," said Figwit. "But I have to go. Elrond is the Lord of Imladris; when he says 'jump', you say 'how high?'"  
  
"I wish there were some way around it!" Sprite said. "I don't want you to go away!"  
  
"Neither do I," Figwit said gently, drawing the fangirl into an embrace.  
  
That night, Sprite and Figwit sat in Figwit's room sipping Fine Elvish Wine and reading poetry by candlelight. The parting in the morning would be hard for both of them, and they wanted to savour their last few hours together before Figwit went away.  
  
The next morning, after a teary goodbye, Sprite suddenly realized what she had to do. She had to go follow Figwit.  
  
As soon as she realized this, Sprite suddenly felt an immense surge of power and freedom. She was her own person; she could do whatever she wanted. Sprite hurried to her room and began to pack. Then she went out to the stables and looked at what the stables had to offer. The pickings were slim; there were two choices: Her horse Love (Figwit had taken Peace), and a two-humped camel named Bob. Guess which one she chose?  
  
Sprite had saddled Love and strapped her bags to the saddle. Just as she was about to ride away, she heard someone calling her name. Sprite turned and saw the Twins running towards her, dragging Aldawen and Sake behind them.  
  
"Sprite, wait!" called Elrohir. "WAIT!!!"  
  
"I heard you twice the first time!" Sprite snapped, quite sure she knew what the Twins wanted.  
  
"Sprite, we heard you were going after Figwit," Elladan said.  
  
"Could you *please* take Aldawen and Sake with you??" begged Elrohir. "Please?"  
  
"It doesn't look like they want to go," Sprite said coldly, watching as Aldawen and Sake attached themselves to the Twins and commenced to glomp. "Besides, they'd just slow me down. And I'm going after Figwit, not Legolas."  
  
"Pleeeeeese????" begged the Twins. "Pretty please with a cherry and a banana and a chocolate bar and sprinkles and caramel sauce and cough syrup and a twig and an earwig and a set of prosthetic feet and an Arrogant Worms CD and a drunk beggar and a purple oliphaunt and a evil ring of power and another earwig and a palantir and elevensies and some mushrooms and a marshmallow and a bottle of Hawaiian Punch and Vanilla Coke and a Mallorn leaf and a giant spider and a mini-balrog and shaving cream and a pair of toe socks and a Yoda and a cheese pizza and a deck of cards and a Venus fly trap and a PC with a DVD player and a Tori Amos CD and," Here they paused to take a breath, and then went on, "a wolf puppy and a time machine and a speeder and a fansite and a highlighter pen and a set of crayons and some Herbal Essence shampoo and an Animaniacs tape and a packet of lembas and the key to the wine cellars and a used teabag and a calendar and an ent and the new TTT trailer and a floppy disk and a ceremonial mask and a Republican on top?????"  
  
Sprite stared at them open-mouthed. "Uh..." she said.  
  
"That's great, thank you so much!!!" Elladan cried. "C'mon girls, you're going on a little trip!!"  
  
"Are you coming?" asked Sake.  
  
"Uh... we'll be coming later! Yeah," Elrohir told her. "Meanwhile, you go with Sprite."  
  
"Wait a second," said Sprite. "I never agreed to this!"  
  
"Please, Sprite???" Elrohir pleaded, looking so hott and droolable that Sprite couldn't resist.  
  
"Oh... Alright," she said, knowing it was a bad idea.  
  
"YIPPEE SKIPPY!!!" shouted the Twins, giving each other high-fives.  
  
"They'll have to ride Bob, the two-humped camel," Sprite told the Twins. "He's all that's left. I'd ask your father to borrow Leroy, but we're not on speaking terms right now."  
  
"I heard about that. I'm sorry, Dad *can* be a bit of a git sometimes," said Elladan as Elrohir went to get Bob out of the stables.  
  
Sake and Aldawen put up such a fuss about not wanting to get onto Bob that the Twins and Sprite finally had to get Glorfindel to help them. Together, they duct taped the fangirls onto the camel's back.  
  
"I do say, this *is* undignified, old chum," Bob said stuffily.  
  
"Can it, O humped one," Elladan snapped. They were all in a bad mood on account of Sake and Aldawen.  
  
As Sprite rode away, with Bob following closely behind, Aldawen and Sake wept and moaned about leaving their lust objects.  
  
"E-dan, come to me!" cried Sake. "I am desolate without you!"  
  
"Shut up, Sake," Sprite muttered.  
  
"Oh, Elrohir, I pine for you!" Aldawen moaned. "Would that I could be at your side once more!"  
  
"Shut up, Aldawen," Sprite muttered.  
  
Now Sprite had four problems on her hands: Aldawen, Sake, Bob the camel, and the most urgent by far, whether to go after Legolas and get the girls off her hands, or go by her original plan, and find Figwit.  
  
Bob wasn't being very helpful. If fact, he was being very annoying. "I do say," he said. "This is not a very dignified way to go about, now, is it."  
  
"Shut up, Bob," said Sprite, beginning to get angry.  
  
"Oh, Bob is such a common name," Bob said stuffily. "I do say, I would rather be called by a noble name... like Caligula!"  
  
"Caligula??" Sprite repeated disbelievingly.  
  
"Yes, I think Caligula is very nice," Bob said. "From now on I wish to be called Caligula."  
  
"Oh, shut *up* Bob!" Sprite said.  
  
"My name is Caligula, dear lady," Bo... I mean, Caligula said irritably.  
  
Sprite growled and kept riding.  
  
  
  
A/N Ok, for those of you who have not read 'Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle', Leroy is Elrond's magic carpet, and Peace and Love are Sprite and Figwit's horses. Caligula was some insane Roman emperor who said he was better than the Gods or something like that.  
  
Also, if you didn't bother reading the Twins' "Pretty please with a..." rant, you should. I think you'll find it very amusing. (You'd better like it, it took me about 10 minutes to write!!) 


	6. Attack of the ElfieNinjas!

A/N Hey, peeps! So sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been really busy. Consequentially, I have come up with some brilliant ideas from the next few chapters! :)Oh, by the way, in case you don't understand the beginning of this chapter, it's from Aldawen's point of view; basically, what is going on in her mind. Makes in interesting little plot twist... I wish I could make it in italics, but I can't figure out how. :(  
  
Disclaimer: You know, I don't really feel like putting this here today. I'm too sad coz I just found out that Richard Harris (Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter movie) died on Friday. :(  
  
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Chapter SIX Six six 6....  
  
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"What is going on with me? What's happening? I don't understand why I'm doing it, but... I'm hurting Legolas... somehow. I don't want to, I never have. He looks so sad! Standing there like that. Shocked.  
  
"All I did was drink the wine Elrond gave me and now I'm throwing myself at Elrohir! He looks scared...  
  
"Legolas, there you are! Come here! I want to give you a hug! But... I can't... Why can't I go to him? Why am I saying and doing these horrible things? He's looking at me... Oh, Legolas, don't look at me like that! I never meant to! I love you! This isn't me!  
  
*'Geez, go away, you weirdo! You're so ugly, you're scaring me!'*  
  
"Oh, how can I be saying these things? I feel as though I'm drowning, I can't get out. I want to go to Legolas, to put my arms around him, comfort him, but... I can't. Something is keeping me back. I can't stand it. I'm trying to fight it, but it's so hard!  
  
"Legolas, please say it wasn't me who put that look on your face! Don't... No! Don't go away! I'd rather be yelled at then have you look at me that way! I need you...  
  
  
Sprite rode through the forest at a fast pace, closely followed by Caligula-formerly-known-as-Bob the camel.  
  
"I do say, my lady?" Caligula called to her. "Could we perhaps slow down a bit? I'm positively famished and in dire need of a rest!"  
  
"Can it Bob." Sprite muttered.  
  
"The name is *Caligula*, eh what!" Caligula snapped.  
  
"Bob, Caligula, whatever the heck your name is!" Sprite exploded. "Just shut up!"  
  
"Where's E-dan?" asked Sake forlornly, her big eyes scanning the forest.  
  
"You too!" Sprite growled.  
  
"I do say, it must be her time of the month." Caligula said to Sake, who nodded sagely.[Sprite glared at them. Aldawen, meanwhile, had a wistful, desperate look in her eyes.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Elladan and Elrohir were trying to think of a good excuse for the fangirls' absence. They knew that their father would be mightily annoyed if he found out that they had left. The Twins were sure that Elrond still has something up his sleeve.  
  
Glorfindel suddenly came up to them, running on silent feet as always. "Look out," he said. "Your father is coming this way, and he's not in a good mood."  
  
"Why not?" asked Elladan.  
  
"He's looking for Sprite." Glorfindel explained. "I'm not sure what for, but it can't be good."  
  
"That's just ducky." Elrohir said.  
  
"Here he comes!" Glorfindel hissed.  
  
The Lord of Imladris was getting mightily annoyed. He had searched Rivendell high and low for Sprite so that he could force-feed her some of his potion, but she was nowhere to be found. Finally, he decided to look in the stables, and then he'd give up. As he crossed the courtyard that led to the stables, he found Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel blocking his path, having a pleasant ,yet animated conversation.  
  
"Boys!" he said to them. "Have you seen Sprite around here?"  
  
"Sprite?" Elrohir said innocently. "Nope, haven't seen her all day. Glorfindel, what about you?"  
  
"Nah, I haven't seen her either." Glorfindel.  
  
"I've been hanging out with Elrohir all morning." Elladan said. "Sorry."  
  
During this exchange, Elrond had crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at his sons and his friend sceptically.  
  
"You're covering for her, aren't you?" he said. "So she can get away."  
  
"What?" Elladan said. "No, we'd never let her go after Figwit!"  
  
"Way to go, doofus." Elrohir muttered.  
  
"Ah!" said Elrond. "So she's going after Figwit? I thought she might! Well, that leaves me only one choice!" He turned on his heel and left , striding quickly across the ground.  
  
"Oh no." Glorfindel said, paling.  
  
"What is it, Glor?" asked Elrohir.  
  
"Oh no." Glorfindel said. "No. He can't..."  
  
Figwit and Legolas rode through the forest for some time. They did not speak; they were both lost in their own   
thoughts.  
  
"Why would Elrond do that?" Legolas finally asked in a quiet, forlorn voice.  
  
"It's one of life's mysteries, I guess." Figwit said. "At least you know it's not Aldawen and Sake's fault."  
  
"I wish none of this had ever happened." Legolas said.  
  
"So do all those who live to see such times." replied Figwit. "But that is not for them to-"  
  
Suddenly, Legolas and Figwit were bathed in a pool of golden light. There was the sound of an intercom crackling, and a heavenly voice came down from the clouds.  
  
"Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?" the Voice said. "Ah. Attention, Wal-mart shoppers. No, wait that's not it. Ah, here it is! ladies and gentlemen, this is your Author speaking. We have just encountered a glaring reference to the movie. The violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the-"  
  
"Geez, Do you mind?" Legolas shouted. "I'm baring my soul here!"  
  
"Oh, okay, carry on." the Voice said. The pool of golden light vanished. Legolas and Figwit stared at each other for a moment of stunned silence, and then nudged their horses forward and continued riding.  
  
After a little while, they came to a fork in the path.  
  
"The left one leads to Mirkwood, and the right one leads to Lothlorien." Figwit said. "I guess this is where we part company."  
  
"Yup," Legolas said. "Ok. See ya, man."  
  
Suddenly, a dark shape leapt out of the bushes followed by several more dark shapes.  
  
"What the-?" was all that Figwit was able to get out, before he and Legolas were knocked off their horses and all went dark.  
  
Sprite was in a very, very, [*very*] bad mood. For the past hour Sake, Aldawen, and Caligula had made her pray to the Valar that they would be struck by lightening.  
  
"Please?" she whispered, staring up at the clouds. "Just one bolt each? It's not too difficult..." She broke off, hearing a sound in the bushes.  
  
"Who's there?" she said warily, desperately wishing that she had her Figgy at her side. Or at least someone who knew how to shoot a bow. Silence greeted her.  
  
"My lady, did you hear something?" Caligula asked.  
  
"Shh!" Sprite said. And gasped. A dark shape had just flitted across a tree branch over the path. It couldn't be...  
  
Suddenly, the path was surrounded by about fifteen Elves wearing black clothes, with masks over their faces. Sprite wheeled her horse around.  
  
"My lady, what is it?" asked Caligula.  
  
"They're Elfie-Ninjas!" Sprite shouted. "Elrond's secret spies! RUN!!"  
  
But it was too late. The alluring effect of the Elfie-Ninjas was already taking hold of Sprite, and she desperately tried to fight it as they closed in around her.  
  
Suddenly, Sprite was bathed in a pool of golden light. "Idiot, use your sword!" shouted a heavenly Voice. "I didn't write Glorfindel giving you those fencing lessons for nothing!"  
  
"Could you turn off you light first?" called Sprite. "I can't fight like this, it's getting in my eyes!"  
  
The Elfie-Ninjas just stared, not sure what to make of a fangirl talking to herself.  
  
"Oh, sorry." the Voice said, and the golden light surrounding Sprite vanished. Sprite drew her sword and leapt off of Peace. Then the fight began.  
  
Sprite was surprised how well she was able to keep the Elfie-Ninjas at bay. Their power to entice fangirls was strong, but something, perhaps her great love for Figwit, made it so that it didn't affect Sprite as much. But she had another distraction to worry about.  
  
"Ok, now- Look out behind you!" shouted the Heavenly Voice. "Ah, he almost got you that time! Now, swing at the one that's coming in on your left... No, your other left! Ah, good!"  
  
"Do you mind?" called Sprite. "I can't concentrate with you shouting directions at me!"  
  
"Sorry, can't hear you." the Voice said. "I'm too busy shouting directions at you. Ok, now quick! Turn around.. Ooh! That was a close one. Now, watch out for the one coming behind, no, the other way! Swing, and... Ooh. Too late. Man, that has got to hurt. You must be in PAIN!"  
  
Sprite muttered something that would not be appropriate for a PG rated fic, and rubbed her arm where one of the Elfie-Ninjas' spinning blades had cut her.  
  
"Ok," the Voice said. "Now what you need to do is-" Then a burst of laughter came out of the clouds, and the Voice said, "Hey, guys do you mind? I'm trying to- No, don't touch that cord-" There was a loud squeak, and the Voice was silent.  
  
Sprite turned back to the Elfie-Ninjas who had surrounded her. She swung her sword in a desperate attack, and was just in time to hear Caligula cry, "My lady, behind you!" before there was a sharp pain in the back of her head and the world went black.  
  
  
  
A/N Well, well, well, what a swell well. ALL of our main heroes seem to have gotten themselves into all kinds of trouble. And, yes, in case you were wondering, I *am* insane. 


	7. In which the difference between fangirls...

A/N I'm writing chappy seven coz I have a 2 hour delay from school coz of SNOOOOOOOW!!!! Also, I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating lately, but with school, the only time I'm really able to write is the weekend; and then I send the rough draft to Sprite, who edits it, and she usually takes at least a day to get it back to me HINT HINT, but anyway, here's the next chapter and that's all that matters. :)  
  
Sprite has helped me out ALOT with the next few chapters (thank you, Sprite!). I'd also like to introduce to you a new member to my little band of fictims. Seamoose has been a faithful review on both this fic and it's predecessor, and he has recently expressed to me his desire to meet Figwit. So Seamoose will be joining us in this chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: I know own, so you no sue!  
  
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Chapter Seven  
  
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Sprite awoke, her head throbbing, and she winced as she turned it to view her surroundings. Cold, stone floor. Damp stone walls. The sound of water dripping.  
  
"Where am I?" Sprite whispered. A rat ran past her feet. It was all she could do to stifle a scream.  
  
A strain of Elvish music wafted to Sprite's ears from some far-off place. It was then that Sprite realized that she was in a place that she'd never been before.  
  
The dungeons of Rivendell.  
  
Sprite had not even known until recently that the Last Homely House of the West had dungeons. Elrond had built them about a hundred years ago when he was going through a phase of wanting to relive his youth, and he had made several 'youthful' additions to his home. Another of these additions were the liquor cabinets in all of the guest bedrooms. Arwen made sure to keep these rooms locked *all the time*.  
  
But anyways, back to our main heroine's plight. The pounding in her head had subsided, and she began to wonder why she was here, and whether anyone would come to her aid. She did not have long to wait, but who came was not who she wanted.  
  
"Comfortable, my lady?" came Elrond's mocking voice through the gloom.  
  
"Quite." Sprite said sarcastically. "Do you always treat your guests like this?"  
  
"Guest?" said Elrond, in mock surprise. "I had believed you had become a permanent fixture in my home. When all the other fangirls left after the battle, you out of all of them stayed."  
  
"So did Sake and Aldawen." Sprite pointed out.  
  
"Oh yes, them." Elrond said. Although she could not see his face, Sprite could tell from the Elf-lord's tone of voice that he was smiling.  
  
"What did you do with them?" asked Sprite menacingly. Even though they were a pain after drinking the potion, they were still her friends, and Sprite would kill Elrond if he let anything happen to them. Wait, thought Sprite, what am I thinking? I'm going to kill him anyway!  
  
"Oh, they are quite safe." Elrond told her casually. "You see, under the effects of my brilliant potion, they are no danger to me. You, Sprite, are the one I have to worry about."  
  
"Let me out of here!" Sprite cried, jumping to her feet.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry." Elrond said. "I'm afraid I can't do that. At least, not until Figwit is taken care of."  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO FIGGY????" shouted Sprite. "I SWEAR, IF YOU SO MUCH AS LAY A HAND ON HIM-"  
  
Elrond laughed. "Simple Mortal." he said. "Do you really think you could do anything to harm me?" He was still chuckling. "I'll send someone by with your gruel later." he added, as he walked away.  
  
Sprite slid to the floor with her back against the cold, damp wall. She buried her face in her arms and burst into tears.  
  
The situation that Legolas and Figwit found themselves in was not much better. They had woken to the sound of laughter, and found themselves duct taped to a tree in the middle of the forest. A group of Elfie-Ninjas was huddled near by, rummaging through a traveling sack.  
  
"Do you realize how stupid it was to go on a 'quest' for Elrond when he was so ticked off at us?" Figwit asked Legolas.  
  
"YES, I *do* realize that." Legolas said, none too happy with their situation.  
  
"Shaddup!" one of the Elfie-Ninjas shouted to them.  
  
"Make me!" Legolas called back. And so one of the Elfie-Ninjas came up and stuffed a sock in Legolas' mouth.  
  
"Idiot." Figwit muttered, and a sock was stuffed into his mouth, as well.  
  
Then the entire group of Elfie-Ninjas turned towards their captives. It was then that Legolas and Figwit noticed with horror that the Elfie-Ninjas all were wielding scissors, hair dye, and ribbons.  
  
"Let's play make-over!" one of the Elfie-Ninjas said, smiling cruelly. His scissors glinted in the light of a camp-fire.  
  
Figwit's jaw dropped so low that the sock fell out of his mouth. The scissors were coming nearer....  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" the Elfie-boys screamed in unison.  
  
Sprite must have fallen asleep, for the very good reason that she awoke with a start. There was someone crouched next to her. "Sprite?" came Elrohir's familiar voice.  
  
At the sound of someone familiar, Sprite almost felt ready to cry again. There was a flicker of light, and she saw Elladan standing behind his brother with a lantern that he had apparently just lit.  
  
"Are you alright?" asked Elrohir, noting Sprite's tear-streaked face. "When we found out where Dad had put you, we were really mad."  
  
"So was I." said Sprite. "What did he do to Figwit?"  
  
"We're not sure." Elladan said, speaking for the first time. "I think Glorfindel knows, but he refuses to talk about it."  
  
Glorfindel was apparently keeping watch out in the hallway, because he immediately answered with, "That's because it's too horrible to talk about! I think Elrond sent out his secret spies after them, his-"  
  
"Elfie-Ninjas?" Sprite said. "Yeah, I know. That's what got me. They didn't seem too bad. I mean, I'm sure I would have been able to get by them if The Author hadn't been distracting me!"  
  
Elladan and Elrohir exchanged looks, both of them beginning to worry slightly about Sprite's sanity. Glorfindel didn't seem to find anything wrong with what she said, because he said to her, "You don't understand. One of the qualifications to become an Elfie-Ninja is that you have to be a professional hair-stylist!"  
  
There was an ominous silence.  
  
"Uh, well..." Elrohir said. "We'd better get going."  
  
"You're not going to leave me here?" cried Sprite desperately.  
  
"Of course not!" cried Glorfindel emphatically, his face appearing in the ring of lantern light. "We'll hide you in my room for the night, and the Twins will set off with you at first light to find Figwit and Legolas."  
  
"I'd rather start out sooner than that." Sprite said. "Like, maybe... now?"  
  
"Okay," Elladan said. "But you should probably have something to eat first." It was then that Sprite noticed, with mild interest, how hungry she was.  
  
"Fine with me!" she told them. Elrohir helped her to her feet, and they left the cell. As they walked down the hallway, Sprite winced at the noise her feet made compared to the Elves' completely silent tread. She sighed.  
  
"Don't worry." Glorfindel said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "Everything is going to be alright."   
  
Now, dear Reader, let us go several hours back in time. There was another visitor to Rivendell, one who had just arrived there that afternoon. Seamoose (as his name was) was very annoyed that the Elf he had wanted to meet most, Figwit, had left on a journey the day before.  
  
Now, let The Author clear something up for all of you Readers. Seamoose is a fanboy. Fanboys and fangirls are different. The Author likes to say that while fangirls are madly in love with their lust object, fanboys merely idolize a person/thing and pledge themselves to be that person/thing's eternal servant. This is why The Author herself desperately wants a fanboy.  
  
The Author's brother, however, has a different view on fangirls/fanboys. To him, yes, fanboys are only happy while they are around the object they idolize, eternal servant, yes yes. But according to The Author's brother, fan*girls* are spawn of the Devil, of Kefka, as the case may be. The Author likes her definition better. So does Sprite.  
  
But anyways, back to the story. Seamoose was not going to let his stay in Rivendell go by without meeting Figwit, even if he *was* on an 'important mission' for Lord Elrond. Figwit was cool! Figwit was *way* better than that blondie Legolas! Figwit could kick Legolas' butt! Figwit is so great that he deserves an action figure!! (Please note that Seamoose's opinions may vary with those of The Author, except for the one about the action figure.)  
  
So when Seamoose overheard Elrond muttering to himself, he was   
shocked! Elrond was a schizo! But what shocked Seamoose even *more* was what Elrond was muttering about. Seamoose heard that Elrond had sent his Elfie-Ninjas to kidnap the Elfie-Boys and cut up their hair!! Gasp and horror!!  
  
Then Seamoose noticed that Elrond was not muttering to himself, but to a carpet. This struck Seamoose as even stranger, until he realized, Of course! That must be Leroy, Elrond's famous magic carpet!  
  
And this gave Seamoose an idea....  
  
  
  
A/N And don't ya just *love* cliff-hangers? I don't. And I doubt you do. :) 


	8. In which The Author makes reference to s...

A/N WHOO-HOOO! CHAPPY EIGHT!!! Anyhoo, this one will definitely involve some excitement. nods And some plot twists. nods again  
  
I know this chapter has come out very soon after the last one, but don't expect them all to be out this fats. I just have a little more time on my hands, that's all.   
  
Also, Sprite recently pointed out to me that this fic is suspiciously Mary-sue-ish, and I've come up with a perfect little excuse! I believe that Mary-sues are original characters; but Sprite is an actual person who I enjoy toturing. So Sprite isn't a Mary-sue! beams  
  
Disclaimer: I no own, so you no sue!  
  
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Chappy EIGHT (8)  
  
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Sprite followed the Twins and Glorfindel down Rivendell's dark hallways. (It was the middle of the night.) They came to Glorfindel's room, and entered. Sprite looked around.  
  
"Does Figgy know you have your own liquor cabinet?" she asked Glorfindel. "He's been wanting one of his own for *ages*!" Glorfindel shrugged in reply.  
  
"So..." said Elladan. "What do we do now?"  
  
"Get me something to eat." Sprite answered, flopping down on a couch. "I'm simply famished!" She struck a damsel in distress pose. The Elves laughed, and Glorfindel tossed her a few wafers of lembas along with a canteen full of water.  
  
"If you want to get started before Lord Elrond is up and about you should probably go soon." Glorfindel told Sprite when she had finished eating.  
  
"I know." sighed Sprite, not really wanting to go now that she was back. But then she remembered Figgy. And something else... "I know this might sound a bit weird," she said, "but I want to take Sake and Aldawen with me again. When Elrond finds out that I've gotten away, he may do something to them."  
  
"That's a good idea." Glorfindel said, nodding. He turned to the Twins. "You two go fetch them."  
  
"Why us?" moaned Elladan, and the same time that Elrohir said, "But will they come with us?"  
  
"You two are so stupid!" Sprite said.  
  
"Come on, guys." Glorfindel pleaded. "You're the only one's they listen to!"  
  
"But I don't wanna!" whined Elrohir, giving them his best puppy dog eyes. But looking at their determined faces, he and his brother gave a resigned sigh, and left the room.  
  
"Where are the girls anyways?" Sprite asked Glorfindel.  
  
"We locked them in Legolas' room so that they wouldn't cause any trouble." Glorfindel explained. "Although come to think of it, they'll probably have trashed it." Sprite giggled, and Glorfindel joined her. Suddenly, he stopped.  
  
"What happened to you arm?" Glorfindel asked, staring at the cut Sprite had gotten during the fight.  
  
"Oh... it... it's nothing." Sprite stammered, clapping her hand over it. "One of the Elfie-Ninja's spinning blades got me, that's all. It'll be fine, really."  
  
"You can never be too careful." Glorfindel said. He gathered some slave, bandages and a rag. He gently cleaned the wound, wiping away the dried blood, and then bandaged it. "There." he said. "Now *I* know it'll be fine."  
  
"Thanks." said Sprite.  
  
A few minutes later, the Twins came back, with Sake and Aldawen close behind. "Eru, you should *see* Legolas' room!" Elladan said. "It looks like an army of orcs marched through!"  
  
Glorfindel rose. "You three stay here." he said to Sprite, Aldawen, and Sake. "We'll go get some supplies for your journey, and see if we can tidy up Legolas' room."  
  
"Nasty vampire Elf." muttered Sake, hearing Legolas' name.  
  
"Hey!" Sprite said. "I thought Figwit was the vampire Elf!" Sake stared at her.  
  
Seamoose waited outside Elrond's study, hiding behind a flowering shrub. He was waiting for Elrond to leave the study, so that he could go in and ask Leroy to help him with his brilliant plan. It took several hours for Elrond to finally leave, but this gave time for Seamoose to elaborate his plan.  
  
Finally, at dusk, the door of the study opened and Elrond left, closing the door behind him. Seamoose darted forward and tried the door. Isildur's Bane! It was locked! Luckily, Seamoose knew how to pick locks. He had taught himself how on one fair summer day, when his neighbour had borrowed his copy of The Fellowship of the Ring and then locked his house up for the weekend while he went to a seaside resort. Seamoose had been a desperate man.  
  
But anyways, due to this unfortunate event, Seamoose was able to pick the lock in Elrond's study and entered softly.  
  
"Leroy?" he whispered. "Are you there?" He saw something stir in a corner, and the Leroy the magic carpet emerged into the light of the setting sun that shone thought the windows. Leroy's tassels shook curiously.  
  
"Leroy, I need your help!" Semoose told the carpet. "Elrond employed his Elfie-Ninjas to kidnap The Mighty One and Blondie and cut their hair! You have to help me rescue them before it is too late!"  
  
Leroy crossed his tassels as if to say, "What's in it for me?"  
  
"I'll give you a whole case of Acme Carpet Cleaner!" Seamoose bargained. Immediately, Leroy flattened himself out and flew over to Seamoose so that the fanboy could get on him. Leroy flapped his tassels as if to say, "Should we get my vintage World War II anti-aircraft gun?"  
  
Seamoose shook his head. "I don't think we'll be needing that, Leroy." he said. "Now! To save the Elfie-Boys!" As Leroy zoomed out of the open window, Seamoose could be heard shouting: "To infinity... and beyond!"  
  
Elrond looked out of his bedroom window and saw the carpet flying away, along with the ecstatic fanboy. "Ah, crap." he muttered.  
  
  
Sprite sat in Glorfindel's room, waiting for his and the Twin's return. She was bored. Several times, she had tried to engage Sake and Aldawen in conversation, but they only wanted to talk about the Twins. Actually, Sake talked the most. Aldawen was strangely silent and seemed to be fighting and intense inner battle.  
  
Sprite sighed, and looked out the window at the surrounding darkness. Suddenly, she heard a gasp and a thump. Sprite whirled around. Aldawen had fallen off of her chair, and was on her hands and knees staring at the floor.  
  
"Aldawen, are you alright?" asked Sprite. Aldawen looked up at her. In her eyes was a wild, fearful look.  
  
"Sprite..." she gasped.  
  
"Aldawen, what-" began Sprite, but the other girl cut her off.  
  
"Please, Sprite..." Aldawen said, in a strained voice, as if talking was a hardship. "I... I need... Le... Leg... Legolas. Tell him... I... I lo... lo... I need him... The wine... This isn't me... Legolas!" Aldawen collapsed.  
  
Sprite stared at Aldawen, trying to figure out if she had just witnessed what she thought she had just witnessed. She was just about to decide that it had indeed actually happened, and go help Aldawen when the girl sat up and look around.  
  
"Where's Elrohir?" she asked plaintively. Sprite sighed in resignation, and stared out the window.  
  
  
Leroy soared over the treetops, and Seamoose stared at the world spread out below him. "This is fantastic!" he shouted over the wind. But he still had no idea how to find the Elfie-boys.  
  
"Leroy, do you know where they could be?" asked Seamoose. The carpet shook his tassels. Seamoose scanned the forest below, trying to find some clue as to where the Elfie-boys were.  
  
'My spidey-sense is tingeling!' he thought, and then spotted something. "There!" he shouted. In a clearing below him, Seamoose could see a campfire and several black figures moving towards a tree. The sound of voices screaming in protest wafted up towards them.  
  
"That's gotta be it!" Seamoose said. "Leroy, there!" The carpet began a steep descent towards the trees.  
  
When they were all but touching the treetops, Seamoose leapt off Leroy and catapulted down into the woods.  
  
Legolas closed his eyes. This was it. This was the end. The Elfie-Ninjas would cut his beautiful hair, and no one would love him anymore. 'Oh, Valar, end it now!' he thought. But then he heard a cry that seemed to come from above. The Elfie-Ninjas gasped, and looked up, forgetting their captives. Legolas opened his eyes.  
  
A shape was falling towards them, shouting. Legolas realized that it was a young mortal man. "The idiot, he's gonna kill himself!" Figwit muttered to Legolas.  
  
"No he's not!" Legolas suddenly said. "Look! It's Leroy!"  
  
And indeed, seeing the fanboy's foolishness, Leroy came up behind Seamoose and caught him before he hit the ground. Then Leroy flew lower and deposited Seamoose safely in the ring of Elfie-Ninjas that had formed. Well, *safe* might not exactly be the right word for it...  
  
"Hallo, lads." Seamoose said cheerfully. "Lovely night, isn't it?" The Elfie-Ninjas stared at him. Then one of them stepped forward, his eyes narrowed. He held a long, glittering sword before him.  
  
"Do you feel lucky, punk?" the Elfie-Ninja said. "Well, do you?"  
  
Seamoose looked around at the ring of Elfie-Ninjas, all awaiting his reply. "Yes, I do actually." he said. Then he muttered, "There is no spoon." And the fight began.  
  
It was a fairly even fight, all things considered. Seamoose employed many nifty Matrix-style moves, including the dodging of spinning blades and jumping up in the air with the aid of bullet time. Leroy helped out as well by boxing the Elfie-Ninjas' ears. The Elfie-Ninjas were a good match, however. They used many moves that were taken directly from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, although they weren't nearly as good as the actors.  
  
Finally, The Author got bored trying to think up ways to describe the battle, so she just opened up a plot-hole and the Elfie-Ninjas fell through it.  
  
"Good, that's got rid of them." Seamoose said, whipping his hands. He turned to the Elfie-Boys. Incidentally, in the course of the battle, several spinning blade had cut the duct tape that bound them to the tree, and they were free once more.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Figwit.  
  
"I'm Seamoose!" Seamoose said. "I'm here to save you :)!"  
  
"Ok, this guy is completely nuts." Figwit said. "That much is apparent from his name."  
  
"And the fact the he just used an emoticon in his speech?" Legolas asked. Figwit nodded.  
  
(Note: Figwit's opinion differs from that of The Author, who thinks that Seamoose is a very clever name.)  
  
"Ok, Seamoose." Figwit said. "It seems that you've saved us. Now what do we do?"  
  
"That is up to The Author to decide." Seamoose said solemnly.  
  
"Completely nuts." Figwit muttered.  
  
  
  
A/N Well, it seems that everything might turn out alright after all! Or will it....? DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!!! 


	9. In which alot of useful information is d...

A/N Ok, ok, ok, I am SOOOOOOO sorry about the lack of updates!! grovels Please don't flame me!!! See, I have this thing called a life. I know it sounds odd, but I like to use it now and then. :) I promise this chapter will be extra good, full of plot twists and chaos! Except I'm afraid it might be kinda short...  
  
Disclaimer: I no own, so you no sue.  
  
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CHAPPY NINE HAS FINALLY COME!!!  
  
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After a few minutes of hasty packing, Sprite, Sake, and Aldawen were on the road once more. Surprisingly, it had not taken much to convince Sake and Aldawen to go with Sprite. They seemed to be more themselves, maybe the effects of the potion was finally wearing off by itself...  
  
"I do say, this *is* an ungodly hour to be traveling, is it not, eh what?" Caligula said stuffily. He was highly annoyed at having being woken up in the middle of the night to carry two bewitched fangirls into a dark wood with no protection except a girl who knew some Elvish fighting techniques. Sort of.  
  
"Shut up, Caligula." Sprite said, but she smiled. It was good to be on the road again!  
  
They rode in silence for about an hour, and Sprite was just about to ask the girls how they were doing when she heard a gasp. Sprite turned in her saddle and saw Sake and Aldawen staring at each other.  
  
"Are you guys ok?" Sprite asked.  
  
"Yeah." Sake sighed. "I miss my E-dan."  
  
A few minutes later Sprite heard Sake and Aldawen whispering to each other. She turned once more.  
  
"What are you two talking about?" she asked. Sake and Aldawen looked at her innocently.  
  
"Nothing." Aldawen said. "When am I gonna see Elrohir again? I miss him!"  
  
Sprite sighed. So much for the effects of the potion wearing off!  
  
Sprite could hear Sake and Aldawen whispering and giggling to each other behind her. This annoyed Sprite; besides that fact that she felt entirely left out, the girls were acting very strangely and Sprite wanted to know what in Mordor they were up to. But of course, it would be useless to ask.  
  
Aw, what the heck. "What are you two up to?" Sprite finally asked, turning once more to look at Sake and Aldawen. The girls looked at her, and then went back to their conversation.  
  
"You knew, of course, that it was useless to ask that question?" Caligula asked.  
  
"*Yes*, I did, as a matter of fact." snapped Sprite. "Now shut up or I'll start calling you Bob!" Caligula shut up.  
  
Legolas, Figwit, and Seamoose soared over the treetops with Leroy. "So what do we do now?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Go find your fangirls, of course!" Seamoose said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"But my fangirls have turned against me!" Legolas said.  
  
"Or so you *think*!" Seamoose cried dramatically.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Figwit asked, exasperated that he had not yet said anything in this chapter.  
  
"I have no idea." Seamoose said, and grinned. But the fanboy was put off. He had hoped to form a strong bond of friendship with Figwit, O Mighty Figwit, Elfie-Boy Supreme. But things didn't seem to be going   
well at all!  
  
They flew in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Then Figwit spotted something.  
  
"What's that down there?" he asked, pointing.  
  
"That," said Seamoose, shuddering, "is the Valley of the Mary-Sues*. We do not want to go there." Leroy quickly flew away from the dreaded valley.  
  
A little while later, they saw something down below them moving through the trees.  
  
"Fly lower, so we can see what it is." Legolas said. And lo, and they lowered their altitude, they saw that the movement below them was made by three girls riding a horse and a two-humped camel.  
  
"It's Sprite!" Figwit cried, and Leroy flew lower.  
  
Sprite sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair. It was late, she has tired, and plus, she thought she might be coming down with something. He head felt rather stuffy...  
  
Suddenly, Sake and Aldawen screamed. Sprite looked up and saw a huge dark shape shooting towards them from the sky above.  
  
"Oh, shoot." thought Sprite, she reached for her sword, prepared to fend off any attacks from possible Elfie-Ninjas.  
  
"It's ok, Sprite!" shouted a voice from the shape. "It's us!!"  
  
"Figgy?" said Sprite, her voice shaky.  
  
"Oh no, it's *him*!" shrieked Aldawen in disgust.  
  
"Ew, Legolas, go away!" Sake said angrily. "Why do you keep following us? I'm gonna get a restraining order, I swear!"  
  
The magic carpet landed, and three figures got off. One of them was a young man Sprite didn't recognize.  
  
"Greetings, Lady Sprite." the young man said, bowing, and kissing Sprite's hand. "It is an honour to meet the Lady that the Mighty One holds in such high esteem."  
  
"The Mighty One?" asked Sprite, looking at Figwit.  
  
"That's me," Figwit said. "And this is Seamoose. He's my fanboy, and he saved me and Legolas from the Elfie-Ninjas." Figwit came over and hugged Sprite. "Are you ok?" he asked. "You look kind of pale..."  
  
"A night in a dungeon will do that to you!" snapped Sprite, then her eyes widened and she slapped a hand over her mouth. How could she speak in such a way to her dear Figgy?  
  
"Sprite?" said Figwit, his voice full of honest concern. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing you'd care about!" Sprite said turning her back on Figwit an crossing her arms in front of her chest. But a voice was screaming inside her head. 'NO NO NO!!!' the voice screamed. 'WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? Figgy, I love you, don't look so sad!!'  
  
Now, doesn't that look familiar?  
  
Sake and Aldawen were getting off of Caligula.  
  
"Oh, shit." breathed Sake. "Not her, too."  
  
"What did you just say?" asked Legolas incredulously.  
  
"Uh... nothing, you idiot! You're so nosy, God!" Sake snapped. She and Aldawen turned their   
backs on the Elfie-boys.  
  
"Sake, please!" Legolas pleaded. "I miss you! And Aldawen, please stop acting like this!" Aldawen and Sake exchanged glances.  
  
"Ok," said Aldawen, and she and Sake turned back to Legolas. "This is getting boring, anyway."  
  
"WHAT?!" Legolas cried.  
  
"Well..." Sake said, hesitating only slightly. "It's like this: The effects of the potion wore off the second time we left Rivendell, a few hours ago. But we decided to keep acting as though it still had a hold of us. It was just to annoy Sprite, and then we wanted to teach Leggy a lesson for abandoning us. But Sprite..." Sake's voice trailed off, and they all looked over at Sprite, who was shamelessly flirting with Seamoose.  
  
"Ah... A little help here?" said Seamoose, who was standing rigid with terror.  
  
"I'll help you." purred Sprite, putting her hand on Seamoose's arm.  
  
"No!" screamed Seamoose. "Back, back, thou vile beast of Morgoth!"  
  
"Oh, no!" groaned Aldawen. "She's fallen for Seamoose!" Figwit just stared, his face twisted with grief and pain.  
  
"Oh, Figwit." Sake said. "I'm sorry..." She then laid her head on Legolas' shoulder, and Legolas put his arm around her waist.  
  
"One thing I've been wondering," Legolas said. "If Sprite had some of Elrond's potion too, then why did it take so long to take a hold of her?"  
  
"I have an idea!" squeaked Seamoose from above them. He had climbed into a pine tree to avoid Sprite. Problem was, she was just climbing up after him. "Why don't we stop discussing the reasons and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT???"  
  
"Why do you recoil? I am no thief!" Sprite called to Seamoose, who only climbed higher.  
  
"You are not yourself!" Seamoose said to her.  
  
"Maybe..." Aldawen said, watching Sprite and Seamoose with a flicker of amusement in her eyes. "Well, Sprite had way more of the potion than Sake or I, so maybe the way the potion works is that, the more you have, the longer it takes to have an effect."  
  
"That makes no sense what so ever!" Seamoose shouted from the top of the pine tree.  
  
"I'm amazed that he can hear us from all the way up there." Legolas muttered, while Sake shouted up to Seamoose, "A lot of things haven't been making sense lately!"  
  
"Um..." Figwit said in a flat, dejected tone of voice. "I... I think   
I'll just be going back to Rivendell."  
  
"Figwit, no, stay here!" Sake cried, breaking away from Legolas and running up to Figwit. "There's another thing: If Sake had so much of the potion that it just took longer for it to have an effect on her, than maybe the effects won't last as long, either! You want to be here when it wears off, don't you??"  
  
"Not really." muttered Figwit, getting onto Sprite's horse.  
  
"HEY, THAT'S MY HORSE, YOU *&!!@#%$*&)(*^#$ IDIOT!!!" Sprite shouted from the tree.  
  
"Figwit, it's not her fault she's acting this way!" Sake pleaded. "You know that!"  
  
"Fine." Figwit said, getting off of the horse. "Fine! I don't care what I do now. Nothing matters."  
  
Up in the tree, Sprite grabbed Seamoose's ankle. "NOOOOO!!!" the fanboy screamed. "Aunty Em! Aunty Em! Save me, save me!" Sprite tugged on his ankle, and they both toppled out of the tree. Leroy made sure they had a soft padding when they hit the ground. Seamoose ran and hid behind Figwit.  
  
"Seamoose, come back!" Sprite cried pitifully. "I wuv 'oo!"  
  
"Well, when you put it that way, NO!!" Seamoose shouted, peeking around Figwit's shoulder. The Elf sighed.  
  
"Well, now what are we going to do?" asked Aldawen.  
  
  
  
  
A/N Ah, yes, what indeed are we going to do? I suppose I'll have to write another chapter so we can find out!  
  
Hm, I guess this chapter wasn't as short as I thought it would be... :)  
  
My sincerest apologies to Sprite, Seamoose, and Figwit. I *know* this is not what you would have preferred!  
  
* The Valley of the Mary-sues is a minor location in another one of my fics, "LOTR, and Matrix, and Star Wars, Oh My!" I have not yet decided if it will return in that fic (I've only mentioned it once so far) but it just might! BOUNCY LIVES!!!! 


	10. In which the new chapter ten is better t...

A/N shuffles in looking sheepish Uh... I'm really, really REALLY sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I have been bogged down with school work and such. I swear, why do teachers give you so much work if it means they just have more to grade?? Sprite says they must have some sort of marking fetish. shrugs   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. Sprite, Sake, Aldawen, and Seamoose own themselves. But Leroy and Caligula are MINE, ALL MINE!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!   
  
Oh, and by the way, Sake. I'm crowning you Queen of the Anonymous Reviews. See, I *can't* delete them coz they're anonymous; you're not technically signed in when you send them. And you're not allowed to delete anonymous reviews, so darn, I'm stuck with them. I mean... Oh, joy, I get to have lots of reviews... from Sake...   
  
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Chappy TEN Ten ten 10 X 5+5 etc   
  
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Seamoose, with his amazing Boy Scout skills, had lit a campfire, and the group was gathered around it. Sake and Aldawen were holding Sprite tightly by the arms to keep her from launching herself at Seamoose again, and Figwit was staring glumly into the fire. Legolas paced restlessly by the trees. Eventually, Legolas came over and pulled Figwit away from the fire.   
  
"We should go." He said in a low voice.   
  
"Why?" asked Figwit.   
  
"A shadow and a threat have been growing in my mind." Legolas answered. "Something draws near; I can feel it."   
  
Figwit frowned. "What to you think it is?" he asked.   
  
"I'm afraid there may still be some Elfie-Ninjas abroad." said Legolas. "The trees are thick around here; it would be easy for them to attack."   
  
"I suppose you're right..." Figwit said. "But where would we go?"   
  
"Back to Imladris, I guess." Legolas said doubtfully.   
  
"Oh, yeah." Figwit said sarcastically. "What a great idea. Back to Rivendell. Back to Elrond. Back to the dude who BEWITCHED MY FANGIRL!!!!!!!!"   
  
"Well, *excuse* me!" Legolas retorted. "It's a lot safer than a dark forest in the middle of the night!"   
  
Figwit ran his hand distractedly through his hair. "Fine." he said finally. "I'm just a bit... erm, annoyed with Elrond at the moment."   
  
"I can understand that." Legolas said gently. "My fangirls are fine now, and I'm *still* furious. But look at it this way: Elrond *made* the potion. If anyone knows how to fix Sprite, it'll be him."   
  
Thus decided, they now had to deal with how to get Sprite onto a horse. "If Sprite, Glorfindel, Elladan, and Elrohir were able to get Sake and me onto Bo- I mean, Caligula," Aldawen said, "then the five of us should be able to deal with one Sprite."   
  
"Four of you." Seamoose corrected. "I refuse to go near that... that thing!"   
  
Aldawen rolled her eyes. "Fine, the four of us."   
  
It took about forty-five minutes to get Sprite onto her horse and duct tape her into place. In fact, it quite reminds me of the time my friends and I were coming back from seeing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets at the theatre one night. It was snowing very hard, and we stopped by at the farm where my friend's horse was boarding so that my friend and her mom could put the horse in the barn. But nice little Delta didn't *want* to go in the barn, no he didn't! It took almost an hour to get him into the barn, yes it did, while my other friend and I got to sit in the freezing cold car playing games on the cell phone! But I digress.   
  
Once Sprite was on the horse, Figwit and Seamoose got onto Caligula, and Legolas, Sake, and Aldawen got onto Leroy. And then the company made their way towards Rivendell.   
  
They arrived mid-morning the next day. The moment Sprite was released from her duct tape bonds, she launched herself onto Seamoose; or at least tried to. Leroy *cough* "accidentally" got in the way.   
  
"I am in you debt, my friend." Seamoose said solemnly, taking one of Leroy's tassels in his hands. Then he had to run because Sprite was trying to get at him again.   
  
Legolas sprinted after Sprite, who was about to chase Seamoose into a wall. "I'M GONNA CRAAAAASH!!!" screamed Seamoose. He veered away at the last minute, and Legolas caught Sprite before she crashed. Holding her arms behind her back, Legolas led Sprite back over to Figwit and the rest. Sprite didn't mind, though: Seamoose had once more taken refuge behind Figwit.   
  
"Let me go!" Sprite yelled, struggling against her captor.   
  
"Sprite," Legolas said sternly. "I'll only let you go if you promise not to chase Seamoose."   
  
"Not promising nothing." Sprite said sullenly. Legolas took a deep breath.   
  
"Sprite, please." he said.   
  
"Fine." Sprite spat. "Have it your way! I don't care! I'm just a poor young maid, trying to find my way through life!"   
  
"Since when does *she* qualify as a 'poor young maid'?" Sake whispered to Aldawen. Aldawen giggled.   
  
Legolas sighed and released his hold on Sprite's arms. She immediately flung her arms around Seamoose, and sighed in utter bliss.   
  
"Oh dear Eru, why me??" cried Seamoose.   
  
"I don't know." Figwit snapped. "Let's go inside." He quickly strode away. Legolas grabbed Seamoose's arm and followed. Sprite skipped happily along side, her arms still firmly wrapped around Seamoose's waist. Sake and Aldawen followed behind.   
  
In the hallway, they met Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel.   
  
"Seamoose, come here." Legolas said. "Guys, this is Seamoose. Seamoose, this is Elladan, Elrohir, and last, but most definitely not least, Glorfindel."   
  
Seamoose looked at the Elves in awe. He was getting to meet all these amazing Elves.. Figwit, Legolas, the Sons of Elrond, and *Glorfindel*, for Pete's sake! The fanboy within him was stirring. Seamoose tore himself out of Sprite's grasp, and began grovelling on the floor, crying, "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! I'm not-"   
  
"Oh, get up, get up, you're worthy!" Figwit said. The moment Seamoose was back on his feet, Sprite latched herself onto him again.   
  
"Moosie." she crooned happily.   
  
"Oh, Eru!" cried Seamoose. "Now she has a pet name for me!" Figwit pulled Seamoose and his new limb down the hall. Legolas followed, and Sake and Aldawen came to walk on either side of him.   
  
"Hey Elladan," Sake said casually as she passed him. "Elrohir."   
  
"Cool!" Elladan exclaimed when they had passed. "It looks like Sake and Aldawen aren't under the effects of the potion anymore!"   
  
"But it looks like Sprite is, now." Glorfindel remarked sadly.   
  
"But Sake and Aldawen aren't!" rejoiced Elrohir.   
  
"But... Sprite is!" Glorfindel said. "And it looks like she's in love with Seamoose."   
  
"Who cares?" cried the Twins. "We're free!" And they skipped off to the wine cellars to celebrate.   
  
In his study, Elrond made a rather frustrating discovery. He was washing all the pots and test tubes and such that he had used in his potion making in the last few days, and realized that he had mixed the anti-hangover potion and the love potion in the same pot. And he hadn't washed the pot between making the different potions.   
  
"Shoot." the Elf lord muttered. "Shoot shoot shoot." He paused, and added, "Bang bang bang." But he knew that his clever plan was not going to turn out the way he wanted it to.   
  
Let me take you into Elrond's planning. You see, the love potion was not supposed to wear off. It was supposed to effect the victim forever. But residue from the anti-hang over potion was still in the pot when he had mixed the love potion, and that got mixed in with the love potion. *So*, because the anti-hang over potion makes hang overs go away, the residue that was mixed in with the love potion would eventually make the effects of the love potion go away. So you see why our Elf lord was distressed.   
  
Back in Figwit's room, they were trying to figure out what to do about Sprite until the potion wore off, which they hoped it would soon. Not surprisingly, as Sprite was being kind-of annoying. But surprisingly, Seamoose was not helping the situation.   
  
"You know," he said thoughtfully, looking down at the brown-haired fangirl who had her head on his shoulder. "having my own fangirl might not be that bad..."   
  
"Seamoose..." Figwit said in warning. The fanboy paid no attention.   
  
"Hey Sprite," Seamoose said, putting his arm around her shoulder.   
  
"Mmm?" said Sprite, looking up into his eyes.   
  
"You're extremely attractive." Seamoose told her.   
  
"I know." Sprite said. And then Seamoose kissed her.   
  
It lasted for a total of 2.67 seconds. Then Sprite's eyes got really big, and she pulled away, screaming.   
  
"OH. MY. GOD!!!!" she shouted. "I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE I ACTUALLY KISSED SEAMOOSE!!! OH YUCK, GROSS!! SOMEBODY GET ME SOME MOUTH-WASH!! EW EW EW!"   
  
"Sprite?" said Seamoose, a question in his eyes.   
  
"Oh, Figsie!" cried Sprite, throwing herself at Figwit's feet. "Will you ever forgive me! I'm so sorry!"   
  
Figwit looked down at the girl, who was gazing up at him with her large blue eyes. She looked so small, so sad...   
  
Figwit pulled Sprite to her feet and hugged her tightly. "Elrond's a jerk." he said. "It wasn't your fault."   
  
  
  
  
  
A/N My Christmas holidays are coming up in about a week, so I'll prolly be able to get one or two chapters out while I don't have school. :)   
  
I will also prolly be wrapping this fic up in at least two chapters, maybe three or four more. Then I have to say good-bye to another great fic! Honestly, I hate having to end these fics! It's so much fun writing them!!!!! :( 


	11. In which Elrond is punished!

A/N And here's the next chappy, out sooner than the last few! Yay! This fic *will* be wrapping itself up in the next few chapters, but don't worry! I'm already planning a third instalment!   
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own LOTR. I don't own Sprite, Sake, Aldawen, or Seamoose, 'cause they own themselves. I *do*, however, own Leroy, Caligula, and any Elfie-Ninjas that may randomly appear!   
Yay! I own something!!   
  
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Chapter... (dramatic pause)... ELEVEN!!!!!!   
  
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Sprite walked down a hallway in Rivendell, heading to Figwit's room. It had been three days since she had snapped out of it, and she was quite relieved to be back to normal. She was returning from the library, where she had been researching Elvish methods for torture. During her research, she'd found a very interesting book that she wanted to show Figwit. Under her breath, she hummed a little Elvish ditty about seagulls, and quickened her pace. But then she stopped abruptly, surprised to see Seamoose sitting on a bench looking glum.   
  
"Hi Seamoose!" Sprite said brightly, becoming slightly less exuberant when she saw the sad look on his face. "... What's wrong?"   
  
"Uh... Oh... Nothing..." Seamoose muttered.   
  
"Ah, c'mon!" Sprite said, sitting down next to the fanboy. "Tell me what's on your mind!"   
  
"Oh..." said Seamoose. "Just that whole... kiss... thing the other day. I mean... it was a little too close to reality."   
  
"You mean reality as in, what goes on in your life outside this fic?" Sprite whacked Seamoose over the head with the book she was carrying. "Quit breaking the fourth wall!" Then she added, "Honestly, you're not *that* bad looking!"   
  
"THANK you!" Seamoose said, slightly irritated, rubbing his head. It was a large book, after all...   
  
"Oh Seamoose, I'm sorry!" Sprite said, giving him a quick hug. "You're really a cool person. That little episode the other day was nothing against you! And in a way, you're actually responsible for making the effects of the potion go away on me. Kissing you was too much for my brain to handle, so I snapped out of it."   
  
There was a pause. Then Sprite added, in case Seamoose's thought process actually *had* been dulled when she hit him over the head, "So you helped Figwit out by kissing me. Thanks!"   
  
"Oh..." Seamoose said slowly. "You're right! I helped Figwit! I helped THE MIGHTY ONE!! WHOO-HOO!!!"   
  
Sprite laughed, watching the fanboy get more and more excited with each sentence he said, until he was on his feet and jumping around the hallway. Glorfindel came down the hallway, and leaned against a pillar, watching Seamoose.   
  
"Has he gotten into the wine cellars?" the Elf asked.   
  
Sprite shook her head, picked up her book, and headed towards Figwit's room. On an afterthought, she turned around and began walking backwards. "No!" she called to Glorfindel. "He's just drunk on victory!" Then she turned and ran down the hall.   
  
She arrived, panting, several minutes later at Figwit's door. She pushed it open and entered. Inside, she saw Figwit, Legolas, Sake, and Aldawen, gathered around a table, their heads bent over something that Sprite could not see.   
  
"Hey," she said. Figwit looked up.   
  
"He's demanding more recent issues of PlayElf." he said wearily. "He claims to have read all the old ones, Eru knows where he got them them."   
  
"*Well*, if he's locked in Legolas' closet..." began Aldawen, her voice dripping acid.   
  
"That dude has a sick mind." Sprite interrupted, shaking her head and sitting down beside Figwit at the table.   
  
"Why won't you let *me* deal with him??" Sake begged. "Once I was through with him, he'd wish he had never chosen to be immortal!"   
  
"Absolutely not!" Legolas said, in a tone of voice that hinted that they had been over this before. "He may be an idiot, and we may be keeping him locked in my closet, but the fact is that Elrond is still an Elf Lord of great power!"   
  
"And when little Elf Lords are naughty, they should be sent to bed without dinner!" Aldawen said. "I say lock him out of his study for a month and them be done with it. If we haven't thought of how to punish him yet-"   
  
"You show surprising compassion for someone who cast you under a nasty spell." Figwit observed thoughtfully. Aldawen opened her mouth to argue, and then closed it again. It was useless to argue against such logic.   
  
"Speaking of which," Sprite said, pushing forward the book she had taken from the library. "I found this book that may be helpful. It's about Elvish punishment in the Modern Middle-earth." Figwit began leafing through the book. "It's got everything from the old dirt-in-the-hair trick to impersonating the Valar."   
  
"Wow!" said Legolas, reading over Figwit's shoulder. "This would have come in handy during our battle!"   
  
"Definitely..." Figwit said in awe.   
  
Sake cleared her throat. "Focusing on *Elrond* here, boys!" she said impatiently.   
  
"Oh..." Figwit said, tearing himself away from a page that explained how to manipulate an opponent's next-of-kin. "Right! So which one or combination of these devilish tricks is bad enough for our Village Idiot?"   
  
"We still haven't decided if we're actually going to punish him yet..." Aldawen began.   
  
"Yes we have!" Legolas said. "Really, Aldawen, I'm beginning to think Elrond has you under another spell!"   
  
"Sorry." Aldawen said, and laid her head on Legolas' shoulder. He put his arm around her soothingly.   
  
"What if we shaved his hair?" Sprite asked. "Then he'd be even uglier than he is now! All would cringe to look upon him!"   
  
"Yes, but it would grow back." Figwit pointed out.   
  
"I know!" said Sprite. "What if we put him through the same torture that Legolas put me through? Disney Cartoons! Powerpuff Girls! Spongebob! It would scar him for life!... It certainly did for me!" She said, shuddering at the memory.   
  
"Yeah, sorry about that..." Legolas said.   
  
"It *is* a good idea." Sake said. "If I can't pummel him, I'd be content to let Disney pummel his mind."   
  
"Then it's settled!" Legolas said.   
  
And so it was that, half an hour later, Elrond found himself duct taped to a chair in Legolas' TV room, duct tape over his mouth, watching the most unspeakable horror of all. For The Author's brother had recently received a new movie as a gift, and The Author kindly lent it to Legolas. The movie was: "Scooby-doo Meets Batman"! It would be a wonder if Elrond came out of the experience alive.   
  
(A/N I'm not kidding, that movie actually exists. And it is *terrible*!)   
  
And after this torture, there was much, much more. "Powerpuff Girls vs. Sailor Moon". "The Best of Spongebob Squarepants". "Pokemon's Greatest Epics". And the list went on...   
  
It is obvious then, that our *dear* Elf Lord was promising Eru that he'd never be bad again after only five minutes of his punishment. Once it was all over, and Legolas tore the duct tape off of Elrond's mouth, the Elf Lord let out a small whimper of, "Mommy...?" and then fainted.   
  
"Ah, serves him right!" Legolas grunted as he and Figwit dragged Elrond's prone form to his room. "We'll keep him locked in his room for a while now... Closets get a bit boring after a while."   
  
"With all the stuff you keep in there, I should thinks yours wouldn't be!" Aldawen said accusingly.   
  
"What have you been doing? Rummaging through my closet?" asked Legolas.   
  
"It's my job." said Aldawen primly, and she refused to say any more.   
  
They came to Elrond's bedroom, and draped the fainted Elf Lord unceremoniously over a couch. Then they left, locking the door behind them.   
  
Here The Author would like to note that Elrond's bedroom is different from his study, so he can't do anything naughty whilst locked in his bedroom.   
  
"Where are you going?" asked Aldawen as Legolas walked away down the hall.   
  
"To clean out my closet!" Legolas said.   
  
Figwit returned to his room, and found Sprite sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking through some sort of catalogue.   
  
"What's that?" asked Figwit curiously. Sprite looked up.   
  
"Uh... uh..." she said, searching for an excuse. "Um... Nothing. This is absolutely nothing!" She tucked the catalogue under her arm, and fled the room.   
  
"Sprite?" said Figwit, confused.   
  
"It's a surprise!" she called over her shoulder, and disappeared out of sight.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N The next chappy will either be the last or second-to-last. :( I know, I'm sad too, but my creative juices are flowing for the third instalment! Here's a hint: The third fic will focus heavily on Sprite's 'surprise', that she began planning at the end of this chapter!   
  
Now, please give me nice reviews!! 


	12. In which Elrond is punished some more!

A/N This may be the last chapter, but I have enough stuff I want to happen that it way not be. If that is the case, then it will be the second to last chapter. Keep your fingers crossed!   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. I think you should know that by now.   
  
Another note to SAKE, concerning her method for torturing Elves: Taking away their shirts and opening the window so they freeze is a good theory, but for one thing: Elves aren't affected by cold. It would still work for torture though, because, come on! A shirtless Elf standing by an open window? All the fangirls for miles will be there in a heartbeat!   
  
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Chappy 12, Which Will Hopefully NOT Be the Last Chapter   
  
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"HOW DARE YOU IMPLY SUCH A THING????" screamed Aldawen. "HORRID CHILD OF MORGOTH!!!!"   
  
"Gee, I didn't know Morgoth had kids!" Sprite said, laughing.   
  
"I AM NOT, AND NEVER EVER WILL BE, AN ELROND FANGIRL!!!" Aldawen screamed the word "Elrond" particularly loud, as if to emphasize the fact.   
  
"Who's an Elrond fangirl?" Sake asked accusingly, coming down the hall towards them. She had heard Aldawen screaming and had decided to come and investigate.   
  
"Aldawen isn't, according to her." Sprite said. "I don't know... The way she was trying to get us to not punish Elrond..." Sprite shook her head as she trailed off, her eyes filled with mischief.   
  
"True enough." Sake said, nodding. "I'd say she's going over to Elrond's side."   
  
"I AM NOT!!!" Aldawen screamed. "I AM NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!! JUST STOP IT!!! I LOVE MY LEGGY AND ELROND IS THE BIGGEST JERK IN THE WORLD!!!"   
  
"She's denying it." Sprite whispered to Sake. "That means it's true." Sake giggled.   
  
"SHUT UP!!!"   
  
"Aldawen," Sake said reasonably, "you should probably stop screaming so you don't lose your voice again. Now run along and find your Elfie-boy Elrond-"   
  
Aldawen burst into tears. Just then, Legolas came walking down the hallway, his pace quickening when he saw Aldawen crying. He stopped just behind her.   
  
"What's wrong?" Legolas asked, looking from one fangirl to another. Sprite and Sake looked at each other guiltily. Aldawen turned and buried her face in Legolas' chest. The Elf put his arms around her and gently stroked her hair.   
  
"They said I was an... An Elrond fangirl!" sobbed Aldawen. "I...I... I'm not!"   
  
Legolas looked at Sprite and Sake over Aldawen's head and raised one eyebrow. Sake burst into a fit of giggles, and Sprite shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "It was just a joke." She said. "It wasn't meant to really upset her..."   
  
"Well it looks like it did." Legolas said in a stern, yet gentle tone of voice. "I think the two of you owe Aldawen an apology."   
  
"Eru, he sounds like my kindergarten teacher!" Sake muttered. Sprite disguised her laughter with a severe coughing fit.   
  
"I'm not an Elrond fangirl!" Aldawen said to Legolas' chest.   
  
"Of course your not." Legolas soothed, stroking her hair. He stared pointedly at Sprite and Sake.   
  
Sprite came forward and put her hand on Aldawen's shoulder. "Aldawen, I'm sorry." She said. "I didn't mean to make you so upset. I was just having some fun, and I guess I got a bit carried away. Sake and I apologize."   
  
"Uh, yeah." Sake said, coming to join Sprite. "Yeah, we do."   
  
Aldawen turned to look at Sprite and Sake. She sighed, and then nodded. "Okay," Aldawen said. "I forgive you." Legolas handed her a silk handkerchief and Aldawen wiped her eyes. Then suddenly, Aldawen became very animated. "You guys!" she said excitedly. "Want further proof that I am *so* not an Elrond fangirl? Listen to this idea I've got!" She gathered Legolas, Sake, and Sprite around her, and told her them her plan in hushed tones.   
  
"Aldawen, you are so very, very evil." Sprite said, grinning.   
  
"Just like you." observed Aldawen. Sprite laughed.   
  
"I love the idea!" Sake said. "Elrond won't be able to *touch* us that way!"   
  
"Let's go tell Figwit and see what he thinks." Legolas suggested. And so they did.   
  
They found Figwit talking with the Twins in the library. Aldawen told them of their plan, and the reactions were... a bit varied.   
  
"Absolutely not." Figwit said sternly.   
  
"But Figgy, why not?" asked Sprite.   
  
"He's the lord of Imladris!" Figwit said. "You can't do something like that to someone like him! He deserves respect! He's one of the First Born!"   
  
"Why not?" asked Elrohir. "I think it's a great idea! And I'm the older Twin, so I'd get to be in charge of Rivendell!!"   
  
"Even if it was only temporary." Sprite pleaded. "Please?"   
  
"Sprite-" Figwit began.   
  
"Figwit, who died and made you the Lord of Imladris?" asked Elladan. "He's my father, and I say we do it."   
  
"All right, temporarily." Figwit said in a defeated tone.   
  
"YAY!!" Aldawen, Sake, and Sprite cried together. "Revenge is sweet!"   
  
"But how are we going to go about doing it?" asked Figwit, still sceptical.   
  
"There's a book in here somewhere..." Elrohir said, looking around the library. "I know it has that sort of thing in it..." The Elf went over to a bookshelf and began scanning the rows of books. "Ah-ha!" he said after an hour and a half of searching. "Here it is!" He held up a slim blue book, with silver letters embossed on the cover. The cover read "Learning Magic With Harry Potter!"   
  
"Are you sure it's... reliable?" Sake asked.   
  
Elrohir nodded vigorously. "Of course! This is where dad gets some of his best stuff!"   
  
Just then, Seamoose came into the library, with Leroy floating along at his side. "Hey, all." he said. "Made any wicked plots for revenge?"   
  
"As a matter of fact, yes." Legolas said. "Care to join us in the final stage of Elrond's punishment?"   
  
"What are you going to do to him?" asked Seamoose.   
  
"We're turning him into an action figure!" cried Aldawen.   
  
An hour later, they had collected everything they needed. Aldawen had gotten the box that had contained the Legolas action figure she had received for Christmas. Elrohir had found the right spot in the book, and had them all practicing the Shrinking Charm.   
  
"No, no, no." Sprite said to Sake. "It's 'ELFius ShrinkoNIus', not 'ElfIUS SHRINKonius'!"   
  
"Shut up." Sake said, giggling.   
  
Finally, everything was ready and they all went to Elrond's bedroom. Legolas opened the door, and they filed in. Elrohir stood in front. Behind him, shoulder to shoulder, stood Aldawen, Sake, and Sprite. Behind them stood Seamoose, Figwit, Legolas, and Elladan.   
  
"Hi Dad!" Elrohir said cheerfully, breaking the ominous silence that had filled the room.   
  
"What do you want with me?" asked Elrond fearfully, huddled in a corner.   
  
"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Dad." Elrohir said. "But we've decided that you're a danger to Middle-earth. We need to put into action the final stage of punishment for you."   
  
"NO!" cried Elrond. "I'll be good, I promise!"   
  
"Sorry." Elrohir said. He pointed his finger at Elrond and cried, "ELFIUS SHRINKONIUS!!!!" There was a flash of light, and then silence.   
  
[At this point, the editor would like to point out that the complete and utter absence of wands has nothing to do with an Elfie's power, and that the lack of wands is the reason why the elves in the room where the fangirls were practicing didn't shrink.]   
  
"He's gone!" Aldawen said, looking at the corner where Elrond had been huddling.   
  
"Not quite." said Elrohir. He went over to the corner, and picked something up. "He just fainted." he said, showing them the six-inch Elf.   
  
"EEE!" squealed Sake. "Mini-Elrond!" The fangirls burst into laughter.   
  
Elrohir placed the unconscious Elrond on a table by the window. "Aldawen?" he said. "The box." Aldawen came over to the table, followed by the rest of the gang. Elrond woke up and looked up at all of them. He leapt to his feet, looking around wildly. "Everything..." he said in a high, squeaky voice, "everything's so big!" And he fainted again.   
  
Aldawen opened the box and carefully placed Elrond's prone figure into it. She then closed the box, because they had already punched air-holes into it.   
  
Aldawen finished and looked up at the rest of them.   
  
"Well that was strangely satisfying!" she said, and they all agreed.   
  
  
  
  
  
A/N YAY!! It wasn't the last chapter!!! The last one should be out sometime in the next two weeks or so. Or sooner! 


	13. In which the fic comes to an end

A/N sobs uncontrollably It's here... THE LAST CHAPTER!! sobs Don't worry; it will be... wonderful! (And it's definitely out sooner than I thought it would be!) Please read the note at the end of this chapter concerning the NEXT fic!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR... I can't believe this is the last time I'll say that for this fic!! sobs  
  
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THE LAST CHAPTER!!! (Chappy 13)  
  
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Sprite, Figwit, Legolas, Sake, Aldawen, and the Twins had to take Arwen's wrath. To put it lightly, she was a bit upset at their shrinking of Elrond.  
  
"You IDIOTS!!!!" she yelled at them. "HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?? HE'S YOUR LORD!!!"  
  
"He's not my Lord." Seamoose pointed out. "I'm just a guest here." Then he ran and hid behind Figwit when Arwen turned her fiery gaze upon him, and The Author changed Seamoose's status from "guest" to "resident".  
  
"Ok, *now* he's my lord!" squeaked Seamoose, while Figwit tried to hide behind him to get away from Arwen and her glare of death.  
  
Elrond, meanwhile, was still unconscious in his little box.  
  
Glorfindel, thought that the whole incident was incredibly funny, and was highly amused to see the great and noble (and naughty) Lord of Rivendell six inches tall and in a little plastic box. "When he wakes up, he is going to be *pissed*!" Glorfindel said. Leroy was inclined to agree. The carpet was amazed that he had once served this Elf Lord, who had done so much wrong. But now Leroy was content to listen to Seamoose talk about past romances, like the one with Helga, a Swedish masseuse. Seamoose had been deeply in love with Helga, and had even proposed, but Helga had to decline; she didn't think her husband would approve.  
  
So anyway, Arwen sent them all to their rooms for being naughty. Elrohir was careful to take Elrond with him so that Arwen couldn't change her father back to his normal height.  
  
In Figwit's room, Sprite seemed quite agitated as she paced. "What's up?" Figwit asked, shuffling the deck of cards he had just been playing solitaire with.  
  
"The sky." Sprite muttered absent-mindedly, looking out the window. Figwit rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Women!"  
  
When Jailor Arwen finally let them come out of their rooms, Sprite hurried to the front gate of Rivendell. Just as she arrived, a white wagon rolled in. It had the words "Ye Olde FedEx" painted on the sides of it. Some Delivery-Elfies jumped out of the wagon, and pulled out a rather large box.  
  
"Hello, ma'am, are you the lady that ordered this?" one of the Delivery-Elfies asked.  
  
"Yes," said Sprite. "Follow me."  
  
She led the Delivery-Elfies to Figwit's room, where, huffing and puffing, they set the box down. One of the Delivery-Elfies knocked on the door, and Figwit opened it.  
  
"May I ask-?" he said, looking at the box.  
  
"Hello, are you Mr. Fig Wit?" one of the Delivery-Elfies asked.  
  
"Yes, but I don't see-"  
  
"Could you sign here, Mr. Wit?" said the Delivery-Elfie, holding out a clipboard and a ball-point pen.  
  
"What the heck is this?" asked Figwit, beginning to get impatient.  
  
"It's from Silverleaf Bros., Makers of Fine Liquor Cabinets Since the Second Age," the Delivery-Elfie explained. "This antique was ordered special delivery by one Sprite A. Fangirl." He patted the side of the box.  
  
Figwit looked out into the hallway beyond the box, and saw Sprite standing there, smiling slightly. Figwit grinned and took the clipboard. "Ok," he said, signing on the line indicated, "Thanks!" He helped the Delivery-Elfies carry the box into his room, and then bade them farewell. After the Delivery-Elfies left, Figwit and Sprite unpacked the liquor cabinet.  
  
"It's a very old Silverleaf Bros. Original." Sprite said. "I ordered it for you because I knew you have always wanted your own liquor cabinet. Except the surprise was almost ruined the other day when you caught me with the catalogue!"  
  
"Thank you, my darling Sprite!" Figwit said, hugging the fangirl. "It's perfect, I love it!"  
  
Sprite pulled away, frowning. "What's that sound?" she asked. Figwit listened, and could hear, distantly, the sound of shouting and... growling?  
  
"It sounds like a fight..." he said. "Let's go check it out!" Sprite agreed, and she and Figwit left his room. They followed the sounds of the fight, and, as they drew closer, began to make out words.  
  
"He's MINE!"  
  
"NO, you bumble-headed snoot! HE'S MINE!!"  
  
"You dirty little thief! He's SO mine!"  
  
"MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!!" Then The Author noticed with amusement that if you looked at the last line correctly, you could see the rapper Eminem's name repeated over and over. Just to dispense any rumours that may arise from this, The Author hates Eminem with a passion!!  
  
"It sounds like Aldawen and Sake!" Sprite said, and she and Figwit quickened their pace.  
  
They emerged into the courtyard, and saw Sake and Aldawen involved in a vicious fight that involved kicking, biting, hair-pulling, and verbal abuse. Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir were standing off to one side, watching and looking extremely amused.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Figwit, going over to them.  
  
"They're fighting over who gets to keep me after this fic is over." Legolas explained.  
  
"Eru, I wish I had some popcorn!" Elladan said.  
  
"He was mine first!" Aldawen shrieked. "I have first rights!"  
  
"We wantss him!" Sake hissed. "He's oursss!"  
  
"HE'SSS MINE!!"  
  
"MY OWN!"  
  
"MY...PRECIOUSSS!!!" And with that final statement, both Lego-lusters fell in an exhausted heap on the ground. Legolas walked over to them and squatted down next to them.  
  
"Hey," he said. "You know, I'm flattered that you guys are fighting over me like this, but do you think you could wrap it up? Dr. Took, Medicine Hobbit is on soon!"  
  
Aldawen and Sake looked up at Legolas. Then they looked at each other, looked back at Legolas, and...  
  
"Bad idea, Leg-boy." said Elrohir, shaking his head, as Sake and Aldawen pounced on Legolas. Together, they pinned him to the ground, and proceeded to fight over him some more.  
  
"Ok, girls, this has ceased to be funny." Sprite could here Legolas' muffled voice, pleading with them. "Please stop... Now... This instant..."  
  
Just then, Seamoose and Leroy came onto the scene. They stood for a second, staring at the chaos in the middle of the courtyard, and then Seamoose turned to Figwit. "Why aren't you guys doing anything about it?" he asked.  
  
"It's amusing." Elrohir replied.  
  
Seamoose rolled his eyes. Legolas may be a dumb blonde, but he was still an Incredibly Awesome Canon Character. He went over to Sake and Aldawen. "Ok, break it up. Break it up," he said, pulling them off of Legolas. Sake and Aldawen immediately attacked Seamoose, yelling things like, "Go away you intruder!" and, "Don't you dare take me away from my Leggy!"  
  
"Ah, NOW we see the violence inherent in the system!" Seamoose cried. "Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!"  
  
"Bloody fanboy." muttered Sake, pushing Seamoose to the ground.  
  
"OH, what a give-away!" said Seamoose, jumping up and looking at Sprite, Figwit, and the Twins. "Did you see them repressing me? See, that's what I've been on about-"  
  
"Shut up, Seamoose." Elladan said, and went over to help Legolas to his feet.  
  
"That was... interesting..." said Legolas, rubbing his behind.  
  
"You may want to do something about them." Said Sprite, pointing to Aldawen and Sake, who were still looking daggers at each other. "I'd hate to see their friendship disappear in a puff of smoke."  
  
Legolas warily approached his fangirls. "Hey," he said, "Um, girls? Can't you figure something out without trying to kill one another??"  
  
The fangirls jumped, and looked at each other, and looked at Legolas. "Whoa!" said Aldawen, putting her hand on her head. "That was *weird*!! It was almost as though I had had one of Elrond's potions again!"  
  
"Yeah..." Sake said, shivering. She turned to Legolas. "Sorry about that, Leggy-licious. We'll try and figure something out peacefully." Aldawen nodded.  
  
"I have an idea." Said Sprite, coming forward. "What if you do a sort of joint custody thing? Aldawen could get him for one week, then Sake for the next, the Aldawen, etc."  
  
Besides, The Author thought, This is happening way to early. I'm still dragging you all back for another fic!  
  
"That sound like a good idea." said Legolas, much more comfortable with the idea of going with Aldawen or Sake rather than Niko. "What do you say, girls?"  
  
"Um..." said Aldawen. "Ok. Sake?"  
  
"Sure." said Sake. "But I get him first."  
  
"No, I do."  
  
"I do."  
  
"No, I do."  
  
"No, I do."  
  
"No, I do."  
  
Sprite took a coin out of her pocket and looked at Legolas. "Sake, heads; Aldawen, tails." she said. Legolas nodded, and Sprite flipped the coin. "Tails." Sprite said, and turned to Sake and Aldawen. "Aldawen gets him first." She said loudly.  
  
"Yay!" said Aldawen, and flung her arms around Legolas' neck while Sake sulked in the background.  
  
Sprite and Figwit left the courtyard. On the way back to Figwit's room, lo and behold, Taraboriel and Mith-amrun ran up to Sprite, each one holding a wallet. "Sprite!" they said simultaneously.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"How much will you take for Figwit?" asked Taraboriel, taking a wad of cash out of her wallet.  
  
"I'll give you more then she will!" Mith-amrun said, pushing Taraboriel out of the way while waving a larger sum of money. The two girls began bickering over who would get the Elf, and Sprite rolled her eyes. She linked arms with Figwit, and together they went back to his room for a drink from his new liquor cabinet.  
  
  
Later, Sprite and Figwit were standing on a veranda, watching the sunset. "Sprite," said Figwit suddenly, "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."  
  
"Hm?" said Sprite, her head nestled against Figwit's shoulder.  
  
"When Sake and Aldawen were first under the effects of the potion, and you and I were trying to cheer Legolas up, you told him something that cheered him up right away. What did you tell him?"  
  
"Oh..." said Sprite, her cheeks reddening. "Well, uh, see... I... kinda had a crush on him before I met you, and... that's what I told him, and... well, he seemed to like that..."  
  
"I see." said Figwit.  
  
"But don't worry!" said Sprite, turning and putting her arms around Figwit's neck and kissing his cheek. "I love you now more than anything in the world!"  
  
"I know." Figwit said, giving the fangirl a little hug, and they stood contentedly together on the balcony looking into the setting sun, watching the stars appear one by one.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
A/N In closing:  
  
THANK YOU to: Sprite, Sake, Aldawen, and Seamoose. You guys are great! I have so much fun writing about you!  
  
And to all my reviewers! I love reviews! Hugs and kisses to you all!!!  
  
  
Important Note Concerning the Third Fic:  
  
The next instalment will be called "Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM!" If you want to be notified when I post the first chapter, please say so in a review, and if your email addy is not on your bio page, please leave that as well. Also leave that if you have an anonymous review.  
  
sobs There... It's OVER!! Done!!! I'm as sad as anyone, but...  
  
THE SUN WILL COME OUT  
TOMORROW!  
BET YER BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT  
TOMORROW-  
THERE'LL BE SUN!!!!!!!  
shuts up  
  
Just to let you know, there will be a slight break before the next fic comes out, because I have gotten and idea for a short fic that I want to write before I lose the motivation.  
  
  
Namarie!  
  
  
May the hair on you feet never fall out!  
  
  
Pints be with you!!  
  
  
BYE!!!!!!!! 


End file.
